IC Inbox

[advanced]

This is the IC inbox for Bucky Barnes at Riverview.

Network name: user.name

This is the place to contact Bucky over the network. Contact by voice or text is perfectly acceptable, and there is no need to plot with me prior to posting in this inbox.

Note: As of the end of December 2017, Bucky has no phone, he has destroyed it. Consequently, this inbox can only be used for in person interaction. You are still more than welcome to post here without plotting with me first.

Comments

[signifies]

[ He's patient, but Clark isn't a saint. ]

You shouldn't be alone.

[advanced]

[It's the sort of thing he pretty much said in reverse, and it makes a small tendril of guilt worm into his stomach.]

I'm worse company than usual, but fine. You know where I am, I won't move.

[ action ]

[signifies]

[ He does.

Clark picks up some of his things and speeds there instead of flying. He stops some distance away and approaches. Unusually, he's wearing his earphones. ]

For the record, you're never bad company.

[ Bucky can't run away from it when Clark says it in person. He might be grouchy and antisocial, but he's kinder than he wants people to know.

And Clark has seen who he used to be. That man isn't gone completely.

He tugs at one of his earphones out and offers it to Bucky. Maybe he can hear the faint strains of jazz.

It's dancing music. ]

[advanced]

[He looks pretty crappy and poor Clark with his exceptional senses can probably smell him from down the end of the alleyway. He's obviously not been making any effort to look after himself for the past few days.

But his expression does soften a bit when Clark shows up and says that stupid kind thing right to his face.]

Didn't know you liked jazz.

[He doesn't take the headphone, but he can hear it as it's being held out like that anyway.]

[signifies]

[ Now that he knows another array of how Bucky's muscles used to move, he can pick out familiar things. ]

I didn't, either.

[ He's trying it out and likes it a lot. Clark can pick out the way the sounds are layered and intermingling.

He pauses the song and tucks the earphones in his bag. ]

You need a bath. Sasha?

[advanced]

[He looks down. His expressions are pretty small when compared to how much most people's faces change, but someone as familiar with him as Clark will probably be able to see the mixture of guilt and regret.]

I took her back.

[He didn't want to.]

I would've ended up hurting her.

[signifies]

[ He nods. ]

It wasn't the right time. [ She'll be there to visit. He can find something else to give Bucky instead. ] Come on. You must be hungry too.

[advanced]

[He had been doing better with her, she did help, but he's just scared. He regrets taking her back and would have regretted keeping her, a no-win situation.]

No, I'm not going back into that quarantine zone.

[signifies]

Where do you want to go? And what do you want to do?

[advanced]

I don't know.

[His shoulders slump, words dragging out of him reluctantly to explain.]

I know I can't stay out here indefinitely, but-- I was altered again in there. It doesn't matter that it was back to him... me, it matters that they were inside my head and I couldn't stop it. I can't let that happen again, I've been altered too many times.

[signifies]

That wasn't your fault.

[ He also shouldn't blame himself for something he can't control. Clark will add that later. ]

No one knew that was going to happen, and you didn't hurt anyone.

[advanced]

I know that, but I couldn't stop it.

[There's an edge of desperation to his voice.]

I've been altered enough. It doesn't matter that it wasn't my fault, or even that they made me a better person, whatever happened still got inside my head and I didn't even notice it. I can't risk that happening again.

[signifies]

Breathe.

[ Clark ducks to look him in the eyes. ]

[advanced]

[Though he does glare, he also obeys the command on instinct.]

I'm fine.

[He's not.]

That's just why I can't go back in there.

[signifies]

Okay.

[ It's not really okay with him, but Bucky has to figure this out for himself.

Clark can wait. ]

I'll come out here. Do you want to listen to some music?

[advanced]

[He appreciates that Clark stops pushing, even though it can't be nice sitting near him when he smells this bad.]

...Sure.

[Now he finally takes the headphone and puts it to his ear.]

I think I recognise this tune.

[signifies]

[ It's not, but he can't make Bucky bathe or look after himself. ]

It's really catchy. I can't believe I never really listened to jazz before.

[advanced]

What sort of music did you listen to?

[He doesn't really know much about modern music, it wasn't a thing he'd kept up with.]

[signifies]

Whatever was around.

[ He had tried to fit in and do what everyone else did. It didn't work out so well: Clark never managed to make friends. ]

I never liked concerts much, so when I was older I stopped.

[ Too many people. ]

[advanced]

Sounds like you were just born to the wrong era of music.

[He can remember loving it, and just listening is sparking new pieces of memory to tumble into place.]

I think-- I think I remember not eating lunch for about a month to save the money my Ma gave me to buy it, and bought my own gramophone. Music was real important to me.

[signifies]

Almost like being from another planet.

[ Clark smiles at his little joke. ]

Do you remember what you liked to listen to?

[advanced]

[He thinks for a moment, trying to dredge up the memories of those smokey dance halls and the music he used to love in them.]

I liked Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald, they had some good slow dance numbers.

[signifies]

Do you think you might want to dance again?

[advanced]

[He gives a half shrug and a non-answer to go with it.]

I haven't got anyone to dance with.

[signifies]

I'd still like to learn.

[ Bucky might smile less these days, but that doesn't mean someone shouldn't work hard to get him to.

It makes the rare moment more valuable. ]

It's up to you.