advanced | For Will Graham

For Will Graham

[Bucky still wasn't entirely sure how it happened.

The two of them had become closer over the months in Quarantine, something about Will's way of approaching a problem from a different angle and always understanding when Bucky needed to flee had helped Bucky feel more and more comfortable with him. Somehow they had developed a friendship, and that's all it was supposed to be for either of them.

Then there was a night, a confusing night with alcohol on Will's part and terrible dreams on Bucky's, and somehow they had ended up in an embrace much more intimate than mere friendship. What they had now would be hard to define, but it was definitely something more, something that had grown into the occasional kiss and a mutual but unspoken understanding of deeper feelings.

It's late at night when Bucky shows up as he always does, unannounced and at random through a window, perching on the windowsill to look in.]

Anyone home?

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[ Will followed along, and if he did not move with nearly as much grace, he at least managed to cover the ground quietly. As far as he was concerned any paths that avoided the crush of hormone laden humanity pouring out of the clubs at this time of night was a good thing and he expected that James was leading him towards the edges of the city.

So it came as a surprise when they stopped at the mouth of a particularly dark alley.

For a moment he looked confused, but before he opened his mouth to ask he heard it; a soft canine whine from somewhere in the shadows. Will blinked and looked back to James for confirmation. ]

[It's a confirmation he gets with a slight nod. Once he'd found the stray dog, there was only one person he could think of to go to, given all that Will had told him about his veritable pack of them back home.

This one is a mongrel, though there's definitely collie in it somewhere. It's too thin and it snarls when anyone comes close, scared and injured, one of its legs obviously broken.]

[ At the confirming nod, Will heads down into the shadows, talking softly. It's not the voice he's used with James, when at times James has been on the edge. James is not a canine after all, so he receives the low toned, calm voice.

This one is a bit more high in pitch, friendly and soft and as Will gets close he hunkers down on his heels so as not to loom over the frightened creature. Usually he'd have a bit of hot dog or a treat of some sort to offer, nothing like food to make friends, but he doesn't at the moment and he's worried about trying to leave to get something, least the injured dog run off further on that bad leg.

So -sorry James- but they were in for something of a long haul as Will used his voice and body language to calm the situation and then simply patiences until the dog settled. It was probably about two hours worth of talking and waiting, before Will was able to get his arms around the filthy creature and lift her up into a gentle cradle hold.

He wouldn't have blamed his friend for having moved on. Will knew it was difficult for James to stay in one location for any appreciable length of time. ]

[He has moved on.

Not far, but definitely out of sight. He's shifted to a spot up high where he can watch both the alleyway where Will is dealing with the dog, and the surrounding areas so that he can intercept any threat that might appear before it can actually reach Will. Nothing comes, though.

He stays out of sight, though he tails Will home until he's sure that both he and the dog are safely back inside, and then he slips away again.

It's another week before he shows up at the window again, crouching on the windowsill and peering in late at night to see if Will is awake.]

[ He was awake.

Tonight he had actually been attempting sleep, only to be woken by the nightmares. Actually he hadn't been woken by the nightmares. He'd been woken by a cold worried nose, and soft whining that came as he'd stood outside the little house, ready to walk off into who knows what area of the city.

So he was sitting in a t-shirt and boxers, wrapped in a blanket from his bed. His hair was damp from sweat, the curls plastered down against his forehead. He was drinking from a glass with one hand, the other rubbing approvingly on the little collie mix who sat worriedly at his feet with her muzzle on his knee.

It was the dog who picked up on James' presence first and her reaction was immediate. Turning away from Will, she padded to a point about halfway between Will and the window, hackles coming up as she bared her teeth and flattened her normally pert ears.

She didn't bark. Dogs who meant business didn't bark, unless they were alarmed. This little girl wasn't alarmed, she was prepared.

Her actions earned a bemused blink from Will, before his foggy head caught up with window and he moved to lever himself out of the chair. Coming up beside the dog, he kneeled down and gently soothed her with pets and reassurance, waiting until she sat at his command before he called out.

"Come in, James. It's alright."

[He's not scared by the growling of a dog. It's probably not the right sort of thought to have, but he knows that he could take down one attacking animal if it became necessary and he wouldn't even break a sweat doing it. Will might not talk to him again, though, if he punches his new dog.

So he waits until he gets the all clear before he slides the window open and drops neatly inside, keeping his distance from the dog.]

You're up late.

[ Will would genuinely appreciate it if James and Lady could get along. Yes, he named the dog Lady; Will was not always overly creative when it came to his dogs' names. ]

I was asleep, until my subconscious decided to try to take my body on a nocturnal stroll. [ The words might sound more than a bit bitter, and Will looked down at the dog, rather than at James' face when he explained what happened.

Sleepwalking, and all that came with it, was still a subject Will tended to be guarded about. Always waiting to have the vulnerability of his unstable mind used against him. ]

Luckily Lady here woke me up before I went too far. Come on over, let's try a proper introduction so I don't have to worry about you two in the future.

[ AKA, please don't hurt my dog. ]

[Even though Bucky worries about Will's sleepwalking, it's not a topic that he's broached many times because he knows how much it disturbs the other man. Usually they try and avoid stepping on each others' big red pressure buttons, but sometimes that can't be avoided.]

You know what set it off?

[The question is quiet, almost apologetic for having to bring it up. But he's come to care, and that brings with it the inconvenience of questions like this.

He does, however, move forwards and crouch down in front of the dog at the same time, willing to be introduced properly.]

[ There is a wariness in Lady's eyes as she watches James approach, though she remains calm under Will's gentle petting. It is the deep wariness of an intelligent dog who has been badly abused during her life, but also one who wants to regain trust in someone.

As they crouch there, Will reaches out a gentle hand and sets in on James' knee, letting Lady use his arm as a bridge, sniffing her way to get the other man's scent.

Doing this also has the added benefit of allowing Will to keep his head ducked, avoiding eye contact. James is someone he usually maintains eye contact with under normal circumstances, but tonight even the contact with a friend is too much on raw nerves. ]

I don't need a triggering event, James. You know that. [ He said in a quiet tone. ]

My mind can savage itself on general principal.

I know.

[They both have that issue a lot of the time, but that didn't mean that there hadn't been a triggering event, as Will wants to put it, and he'd rather check rather than be ignorant of something potentially bad happening.

He steps forwards and, ever so slowly and gently to give Will time to back off if he wants to, tries to lay his hand on Will's head.]

You wanna talk about it?

[ In this instance there hadn't been anything deliberate enough for Will to be able to call it out. It could have been something as simple as a conversation that picked up a theme, or even his own teaching in a course, stirring up a memory of Quantico.

Regardless, he had learned that when he had episodes like this, it was thorny territory to try to stumble around in the dark of his own psyche with James. Not because he didn't trust that he could talk with James about anything, in truth the man often understood the shadows of Will's mind better than Will himself. But rather because he risked touching one of James' psychological landmines by accident and then they were both in a hell of a lot of trouble.

So instead, he leaned into the touch on his head. Pressed to the comforting strength of it, the way it anchored him in the reality of here and now. He shook his head slightly at the question about if he wanted to talk, then toyed with asking for what he really wanted, which was to be held.

Another thorny patch that they were working their way through, but where Will wanted to ensure he didn't ask for too much, too soon. Rather than use pesky words, the smaller man scooted a little closer to James, until he could lean more of his weight against him.

Lady watched all this with a suspicious eye, but after giving her master one last gentle nuzzle, she retreated to the dog bed that sat butted up against the far wall by the door. ]

[There's always a frozen sort of moment when one of them initiates physical contact, as if the balance of a set of scales is shifting between returning the affection and fleeing from it.

This time he chooses the former option, and very slowly one of his arms slides around Will to hold him in place against his side a little more closely.]

You can sleep, if you want. I'll keep guard, I won't let anything happen.

[ When the physical connection is not moved away from, Will let himself exhale and sag more fully against James. He closed his eyes and set his head against the larger man's shoulder, lips twitching in a rueful half grin. ]

I'm not sure I want to give up what little control I have on my subconscious. [ He admitted with quiet honesty. ]

Talk with me? Tell me what you've been up to recently? [ Will understood that, in many ways, this request was so much harder than asking James to stand guard over his sleep. He would also understand if it was too much to ask. ]

[He doesn't reply for a few moments, but only because he's trying to sort through what he has been up to recently and then dig through that to find things that he feels acceptable to actually share.]

I went drinking.

[His muscles are rigid as Will leans against him, this is about as relaxed as he ever gets.]

Wanted to see if the alcohol would still do nothing, wanted to see if I remembered the taste and which ones I liked.

[ Though he felt the tension in the larger body, Will didn't retreat. It had taken a couple of missteps, times when he had retreated because he assumed he was causing James distress, to learn not to draw away.

Instead, he closed his eyes and let himself focus on the scent of outdoors that James carried on his clothing. ]

Did it still taste the same? [ He asked, aware that alcohol didn't work the same way for James as it did for Will himself. He was tempted to break out the little factoid about scent being the strongest memory trigger, but alcohol usually just smelled like alcohol; so taste was probably the better way to go. ]

Yeah, some of it.

[The cheaper beers and spirits, which had been all he could afford back then, they had tasted oddly familiar in a way nothing else had.]

But the ones that tasted the same, they sucked. I don't know how I ever drank it and thought it was good.

[ The dry commentary on his own drinking habits had Will chuckling softly. ]

You were too young and distracted by beautiful girls to notice? [ He offered as a suggestion. ]

Maybe that's where I went wrong, I should've had more beautiful girls around me.

[His lips quirk up in an amused smile, though Will might not see it from his position leaning on Bucky's shoulder.]

Stop.

[ Will didn't look up, he was comfortable where he was, but he did lift a hand and lightly poked James in the side of the ribs with his finger. ]

You won't convince me that you didn't have the singular attendance of all the beautiful girls in the immediate vicinity when you walked in a room.

Pretty sure that I didn't.

[He huffs quietly when he's poked in the ribs, but he doesn't move.]

Not a lot of dames like the grungy and unwashed look.

You weren't always rocking the grunge look.

[ Will pointed out in a soft tone. ]

However, I'm here to tell you that the grunge look can be like catnip. You reinforce it with a forbidding scowl and a habit of hoping out windows whenever someone looks the other way for a moment.

[ There was no judgement in any of the words, simply a statement of fact. He'd watched James all this time and knew that the man maintained a very strict boundary around himself. Will understood part of why that boundary was in place, but he also suspected that it (more than the grunge look) was what kept people at a safe distance. ]

Will, I used to be a charmer, believe me, I know what it's like to have the dames falling off me.

[Or, at least, he can remember enough bits of it to know that he had been given his pick whenever he went out. That really wasn't the same now.]

Nobody even looked at me when I went drinking this time. Not that it matters, pretty sure I'm taken.

[ Will couldn't help chuckling softly at the image James' words evoked. He could just about imagine it too!

Though he sobered with the latter words, because Will wasn't a man who was given to playing coy. He understood what James meant and he understood that this wasn't something to play around about; not given the steamer trunk loads of baggage they both carried between them.

Tilting his head, he looked up towards James' face. He wasn't exactly in the best position to catch the other man's eyes, but -moving carefully- he leaned up so that he could press a kiss to the side of James' jaw, just slightly off from the corner of his mouth. ]

[It's the first time he's really broached anything like that, first time either of them have, because they're both naturally quite nervous around others and fatalistic about the chances of things like commitment.

He's nervous after saying the words, even if he did it as casually as he could, with an easy way out if Will needed it. He's tense by the time the kiss comes, nearly convincing himself to get out of there, but then--]

Thanks.

[He doesn't need words, that's enough for now. Another slow step forward.]

[ For their next encounter, Will changed things up a little.

Namely, he went looking for James.

He knew a few of the other man's bolt holes, but Will didn't delude himself into imagining that he knew all of them. He expected he was aware of the ones that James was comfortable sharing and not a single one beyond that and he respected those boundaries.

But today it made things a little difficult as he was trying to find the man and coming up blank.

It had been a difficult day at the Guard tower. There was an individual who seemed bound and determined to press Will's buttons and today the ex-profiler had snapped. He'd nearly killed the man, only just being yanked off at the last second, it was almost laughable, tiny Professor Will Graham, choking down a marine sort who stood almost half a head taller. The man had close to a hundred pounds on Will, but Will had been in a red zone and determined to kill.

He'd managed to slip away in the general confusion of getting the marine (for lack of a name) to the hospital and had been wandering the city ever since. Night had fallen and were Will's mind in it's right order, he would have been driven back home by the cold (he hadn't taken his coat with him) but he was single minded at the moment and continued to stumble down alley after alley.

The one good thing about being a predator on the edge, other predators tended to notice and give a wide berth. No one was making any effort to impede Will's progress. Well, unless you counted the snow that was now starting to fall quite a bit more heavily since the sun went down. ]

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