advanced | For Will Graham

[ If there was one good thing that had come out of his incredibly unorthodox lifestyle, it was the fact that Will had given up on labels a long time ago. In his line of work they were dangerous things, and could lead the mind to close itself to possibilities that had to be properly explored. In his personal life, he had given up on trying to conform to any specific label or societal expectation a while ago, and if asked, would agree that he was happier for it.

With that in mind, he'd be the last person to try to set a label on James, let alone whatever it was going on between them. He had extended a heartfelt apology for what he'd done while drunk, given James the opening to shut the doors cracked open during that fateful night. When James hadn't taken the offer, Will had found himself exhaling a breath he hadn't known he was holding; pleased.

What followed would perhaps be considered slow progress by the standards of some, but as far as Will was concerned it was moving as it should. They were both incredibly damaged men, but there was a friendship at the foundation of this new step them between them. A friendship and the beginnings of a deeper understanding that the ex-profiler didn't want to risk just for physical gratification.

Not that James didn't play a role in some of Will's personal 'me' time. The man was gorgeous.

Having James pop in through a window didn't appear to startle the ex-profiler. He'd long since grown used to the other man's ability to show up, seemingly out of thin air and often in a location that affording him the high ground. Tonight was a late night -or early morning take your pick- and was often the case, Will had been woken in a sweat by nightmares.

He had showered, and changed into a t-shirt and lounge pants, and was currently sprawled in a chair with a lap full of student essays. His glasses had slipped down his nose as he read the papers, causing him to have to lift his chin in order to bring James into focus through the lenses. Will didn't smile but his body language remained relaxed, as opposed to the way he would usually tense up around people. ]

Hey there. [ He welcomed the other man, not given to wasting their time asking why James was up this late. Instead he held up the paper he was reading. ] This young lady has made an exceptionally good case for the horrors of ladybug monsters.

I feel as though I've lost part of my childhood.

[Bucky knows that there are huge parts of the other man that he doesn't know or understand, but that's okay. There are huge parts of himself that he hasn't shared with Will, and that he probably never will. One of the reasons this works, or why it works for now, is that they don't step too much on the jagged edges of where they stop being a person and start being something much more damaged.

He doesn't come properly inside, choosing instead to crouch on the windowsill.]

What the hell are you teaching?

[How does any kind of psychological evaluation end in ladybug monsters?]

[ They were definitely not a case of 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' and that was fine with Will. He had good reason to keep some of his jagged edges to himself and respected that James was the same way.

The question did earn the other man a quick upward tick of his lips. ]

It's in response to the question:

"I'd like you all to take a moment and try to put yourself in their perspective. Look inside yourself, think about who you are and what sort of monster you would be. How do you imagine you'd be perceived from the outside? How do you feel your actions, for survival, would be perceived by those who didn't understand your design?"

[ He glanced at the paper again and then set it down, moving to shift all of them up and off his lap. ]

She's a very gregarious, outgoing young lady, who is quite popular in the class and genuinely very kind. But there's something dark disturbing her; a secret she's holding onto very tightly.

[ Will set the papers down and then turned, leaning back on his desk and crossing his arms over his chest. ]

Are you coming down from there? [ It was never a given, and Will knew better than to expect it. ]

[Even though he now trusts Will pretty much the most out of anyone here, there are still moments when the other man makes him wary. He wouldn't want to be in any of his classes, where any stray action or any assignment might be used against him to uncover those pieces of himself that were deliberately hidden.

Does this girl know that her teacher has figured out she's hiding something?

He frowns down at the papers, but it's not his business to make comment on it and so he eventually just steps inside the window properly and leans against the wall.]

What monster would you be?

[ To be fair, one didn't have to be in one of Will's classes for this sort of shit to happen.

The question earned James a small shake of the ex-profiler's head. ]

I don't think that's a question you want answered, James. [ He said, not unkindly but at the same time flagging that this was a jagged edge, best left alone. ]

The question really isn't intended to psychoanalyze them, I promise. [ He offered, reaching up to rub his hand over his face and through messy dark curls. ] It's to try to help them get into the mindset of wanting to learn about what they don't understand.

[He hears the warning loud and clear, and immediately backs off on that line of questioning.]

Is it mandatory? [The class he means, in order to get accepted into the perimeter guard.] Because if it's not, they probably already want to learn about what they don't understand.

It is not mandatory. [ Will clarified. ]

But you might be surprised how many people take it thinking it's 'Monster killing 101.' [ His lips twitched and for a moment, Will wore that genuine smile that occasionally peeked out from behind the many walls he'd built around himself.

It was a smile that James saw more often these days. ]

I've actually had a couple of students walk out and drop the class when they realized I wasn't going to simply teach them how to indiscriminately kill everything.

It should be mandatory.

[He finally moves forwards from his place near the window to approach Will's chair, taking up a stance next to his shoulder like a bodyguard. It's a place he often stands when they're alone together, like it makes him feel better to watch over someone he cares about.]

It's the people who don't think it's worthwhile that need to learn it the most.

[ That Will not only accepted James moving into his personal space, but welcomed it, was another nuanced nod to the progress of their relationship. Of course the same could be said for James' willingness to come into that personal space.

Baby steps but big steps all the same.

Relaxing back in his chair, relaxing back closer to James, Will leaned his head back so he could look up at the other man. ]

I think the saying about horses and water is applicable here. Even if the class was mandatory, people who weren't prepared to listen, still wouldn't listen. Or else they'd listen and find a way to justify their opinion to themselves.

[ He reached up and rubbed his eyes with his fingers, thinking back to how many times he'd tried to tell Jack that the Ripper was right under his nose and Jack refused to listen. Good times.

Lowering his hand, he folded them both over his abdomen and slouched in order to more comfortably stare at James. ]

Anything particular have you out and about tonight? Or were you making the rounds? [ The question came in a soft tone and was phrased in such a way that it allowed James to 'talk' or deflect, depending upon his comfort level. ]

[He knows that Will is probably right, but it feels wrong somehow. There has to be a way to stop the ones too gung-ho about killing and make them understand that it's not the answer. Sometimes a fight is necessary, but not always, and people who don't learn that are the ones that start wars where they don't need to be started.

He lets it go, though.

This is Will's class and his area of expertise, it's not for Bucky to be interfering with, especially when he doesn't know or understand the majority of what the perimeter guard are even supposed to do. So he shrugs, moving on to the next question asked of him.]

Kinda hoped that you might have some bandages.

[He can go and steal some from the hospital again if he has to, but he'd rather do it this way and that, if nothing else, is a huge sign of the trust he has in Will.]

[ Both of the younger man's eyebrows arched at the request, but Will calmly sat forward and moved to stand up. ]

It's almost always a safe bet.

[ He answered and motioned for James to follow him. Will had put together his own medical kit as a matter of course, and over the months had quietly added to it so that unless someone needed blood or surgery, he was fairly well equipped for first aid.

It was stored back in his bedroom, close to the fairly spacious but only existing bathroom in the little house he'd taken to calling his own.

The bed was a rumpled mess, top sheet and blanket twisted up in a knot and at some point Will had apparently started to yank the fitted sheet off the new mattress. While it could have resembled a platform of debauchery, there was a singular quality to the tangled bed clothes that suggested nightmares instead.

Flicking on the light in the bathroom helped scatter the shadows, a soft thunk indicating that he'd set the toilet seat and lid down; an invitation for James to sit. ]

Do you require more than bandages?

[Of course he notices the way the sheets are messed up and, even though he doesn't sleep in beds himself, it's not hard to put the pieces together and come up with a nightmare. He wonders which of Will's demons have been haunting him tonight, and if he wants to talk.

Probably not.

Bucky should tell him that he's welcome to, but he can't find the words without it sounding mawkish or awkward, and so he just ends up following him into the bathroom and, before he sits down, pressing the lightest and most fleeting kiss to his temple as if that would say all that he can't.]

Maybe tweezers. Got shot, think the bullet might still be in there.

[No big deal.]

[ Despite the forward steps they'd taken in their relationship, those quick and sweet kisses still caught Will by surprise. More so than any grand display of passion, not that he was opposed to those, but the sweet ones held their own brand of delight.

He turned his head, giving James another one of those shy but genuine smiles, but where he started to reach, to simply return a friendly touch, he paused and his expression that quickly morphed into concern at the other man's words. ]

It is my lot in life to be around ridiculously stoic individuals.

[ Seriously. Not that he would bring up the similarities beyond that small remark.

Instead, the touch he executed was carefully light, devoid of any risk or suggestion of trying to push or crowd the other man in any way. ]

Sit down and strip down to where you're shot. Let me have a look.

[The kisses take Bucky by surprise too, almost more so when he's the one giving them. He never thought that he'd feel human enough to want to give that sort of affection to someone ever again, so it's always a nice reminder of how far he's come when the desire to have that contact rises inside him.]

I've had worse, there's no use crying about it.

[That, and he was taught as the Soldier not to show his pain and definitely not to let it slow him down. Those are hard lessons to forget.

He pulls off his shirt and takes a seat as instructed. There's an entrance wound just below his collarbone on the left hand side, he's lucky it didn't hit a lung and a few inches lower and it would have gone right through his heart, but there's no exit wound at the back.]

[ Though probably the more readily demonstrative of the pair, Will was still cautious and usually let James set the tone when it came to physical contact. Just because one night the man might wish for the kissing and heavy petting they indulged in, the next night something may have happened that brought James' barriers back up.

So Will took each night as it came and assumed nothing from his friend. ]

Was it a high caliber from a distance, or something small up close?

[ He asked, pulling on gloves before he reached and began to explore the area with his fingers. Will's touch was gentle, though he knew more about GSW than one might expect from a 'teacher'. The examination was interspersed with softer touches, touches that were as much for Will as for James.

Tactile reassurance that James had had worse and tonight, though bloodied, was relatively intact. ]

You're lucky whoever was on the other end of that gun is a spectacularly bad shot. But it's going to sting when I get in there to remove it.

[At least Will understands enough not to ask about who did the shooting, because Bucky has no intention of volunteering that information. It's not like he didn't deserve to get shot from time to time, after all.

There's some slight burns around the wound suggesting that the shooter was fairly close, but not right next to him. Bucky shrugs.]

Few feet away, does it matter? A bullet is a bullet.

[Of course he knows it matters, he knows better than most people what sort of damage different weapons do, but he's downplaying it.]

Having been shot with both, I'll have to disagree with you there. [ Will said in a wry tone.

He understood he was being deflected away and if James went silent on the subject, he would change topics. Respect for the sharp edges. ]

[Closer inspection would show it to be a standard handgun wound from up close.]

Is there anything you're not an expert in?

[Half dry and half mildly irritated.]

[ At the tone of the other man's voice, Will drew back and offered Bucky an amused quirk of his lips. ]

Being sociable?

And I've been told that my cooking skills are rudimentary, at best.

[ Otherwise, he could only offer a small shrug as he began to rummage around in the medical kit for what he'd need to extract the bullet and clean the wound. ]

Though I'm not sure a claim to being an expert in getting shot is something I'd put on my resume.

[He snorts and then regrets it when that sends a spike of pain through his abdomen, making him wince.]

You're an expert at being sociable compared to me, Will.

[So-- there's that.]

You could mark it down as a familiarity with bullets and the wounds they create.

That's not a very high bar. [ Will pointed out, not unkindly. He offered James a moment to catch his breath, with one steadying hand on his ribcage and the other on his shoulder.

The position required him to hunker down on his heels in front of the man. ]

That is part of my job description. [ He pointed out in a wry tone, realizing he had probably just proved James' point for him. Will just shook his head at himself and began to look for a small vial of lidocaine in the kit. ]

Perhaps we should just agree that we've both got a wide and eclectic range of experience and expertise that most people wouldn't want to lay claim too?

[Bucky watches Will crouch in front of him and any other teasing words die on his lips, leaving him just staring with slightly afraid eyes down at the other man.]

Listen.

[Why is his throat suddenly dry.]

...I'm not good at being worked on like this, medically. If I freak out, you have to run away from me.

[ Will isn't going to insult either of them by trying to convince James that he'd never hurt him. They both understand that this isn't something that comes from a conscious place for the other man.

Instead, he exhaled a slow breath and moved his hand from the other man's shoulder to the side of his face. ]

James, if I run it's just as likely to trigger your instinct to chase down and kill. [ Let's not delude ourselves into thinking that there hadn't be targets who had tried to run,

And failed. ]

We're better off trying to anchor your mind to here and now, preferably with a focus on a good memory. Something from your past, before the war?

[This is one of the reasons that he's come to care so deeply for Will and trust him more than most people, because he understands. He doesn't deny that Bucky might hurt him or protest that it would be his choice, he just tries to find a compromise that won't end in either of them finishing this night with regret.

Just for how grateful he is, he leans forwards suddenly and presses a slightly sweeter kiss to his lips, breath heated against his cheek when he pulls back.]

I don't know that would work, but thank you.

[His good memories are much weaker than his bad ones.]

Do you have restraints?

[ The light press of lips against his own still came as a surprise, despite the number of times they'd shared kisses, between that first one and now. He returned the soft pressure, blushing slightly when James drew back, and brushing his thumb across the broad flare of James' cheekbones. ]

I try to put restraints on you and this is going to be over before it even begins. [ Will commented, his hand sliding down along the strong column of the other man's throat, before coming to rest on his shoulder once again. ]

If you do this yourself, do you think it will be alright if I'm here and help hand you what you need?

[ It wasn't the neat and tidy solution to the situation, but Will respected the fact that James probably had dug bullets out of his flesh and stitched himself up, more times than either of them wanted to think about. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject