for Ivar

[advanced]

[There are some decisions that are unequivocally bad ideas. This is probably one of them. When Quarantine began collapsing and they had all run for the portals, the one leading to Ivar's world had already broken down and left him stranded. There hadn't been much time for thought, no quiet moment to consider the consequences, before Bucky had offered to take him through to where he'd come from.

But now they were here, stumbling out into the depths of a forest god only knew where in the world, with Ivar's chair almost upended in the scramble, Bucky can't help but feel a bit apprehensive.

Even with someone who understands how this world works, there are dangers to being here with him. This isn't Quarantine, there are many dangerous people here who would like nothing more than to track him down and either turn him to use once more or destroy him. But Ivar isn't even like a person from this world, he's from far in the past and can be pretty damn unstable when faced with danger.

Yes, this was probably a bad idea.

Too late now.

He sighs as the portal closes behind them and leaves them alone and stranded, no sound except for birdsong and the faint scrabbling of wildlife.]

--welcome to Earth, kid.

Comments

[ragnarsson]

And you're not even going to stick around to say hello?

[Ivar tsks, shaking his head.]

For shame.

[advanced]

It's complicated.

[And isn't that the biggest understatement in the world?]

It's better for us not to be together.

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar folds his arms and just gives Bucky a level look.]

Pretty sure that's always what people say about those they love.

[He knows you too well to just give into this 'keep you at a distance for your own safety' routine.]

[advanced]

[Bucky's expression flattens, that's not really something Ivar wants to pry at.]

You don't know anything about it.

[The "so shut up" might be unsaid, but it's as loud as if he shouted it.]

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar should just be quiet. It's within his best interests, but for someone so smart, he has an astounding propensity for doing very dumb things.]

I know you like to run instead of ever having to face the prospect of getting close to anyone.

[advanced]

I tried to kill him.

[It's low and cold and completely without inflection.]

Last time I saw him, I beat him so badly he nearly died.

[ragnarsson]

[That gets Ivar to shut up for a minute. Bucky's always stressed he could snap and revert back into a dangerous killing machine, but aside from the time he'd snapped Ivar's leg in a morph, he hadn't seen too much of it.]

Is he the type that wouldn't forgive you for that?

[advanced]

He let me do it.

[So yes, he's the type to forgive, and that makes it a whole lot worse. If he could trust that Steve would actually fight back if he had to, make the hard choice to put a bullet between Bucky's eyes before he could become a true threat, then he might be willing to talk. But he's not, and that makes him a liability to everyone.]

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar just shakes his head. The guilt that Bucky carries around is so heavy it could have sent a man straight to the bottom of ocean if it were given physical form. At one time, Ivar wouldn't have cared, but it's far too late to go back to that state after the length of time he's known Bucky.]

Are you ever going to forgive yourself? Or allow anyone else to give you their's?

[advanced]

[He scowls a little deeper, because how dare Ivar shoot logical questions at him?]

It's not that simple, not with him.

[He hesitates, but he knows what Ivar is like sometimes, a dog with a bone would be less tenacious. Besides, it's not like he won't find out from Steve when they get there, so it's better he's prepared.]

He knew me before I became-- who am I now. He's looking for that man, that's why he let me damn near kill him, because he can't see past a dead man's face.

[ragnarsson]

He's looking for a good man. And you think there's nothing left of that in you.

[Ivar's very tempted to argue the point a bit. Ivar knows himself very well. He's a cruel, sadistic, and vindictive person fueled by rage and revenge. He's done terrible things and never lost a night's sleep over them. But Bucky isn't like that. Whatever he's done in his past, he has true remorse now.]

[advanced]

[Bucky’s eyes widen just a bit in surprise, before giving a rueful sort of shrug.]

Anyone ever tell you that you’re too smart for your own good?

[ragnarsson]

Frequently.

[Ivar says with flippant cheerfulness. This is what happens when he gets to know someone as well as he's gotten to know Bucky over the course of almost two years. Then he gets serious once again.]

You're too hard on yourself. Anyway, even if you don't think you're a good person, I think you are.

[And Ivar's opinion is what's most important, of course.]

[advanced]

No, I'm not.

[It's not said with self pity, just with the solid ring of fact. It doesn't matter that it wasn't all his fault, he still has more blood on his hands than anyone else possibly could. Seventy years of blood, seventy years of evil.

Just because he's been vaguely nice to one teenaged Viking doesn't change that.]

But I'm sure you'll get on with Steve, he's just as dumb as you are.

[ragnarsson]

You're better then me. I've done terrible things and never cared at all that it hurt others. You have actual remorse. It's a start.

[But any other blunt things he might have to say get lost in an indignant huff.]

Hey! I am not dumb!

[advanced]

[His lips curl up just slightly, and he shrugs in response.]

Sorry, kid, that's just the facts.

[ragnarsson]

And what does that make you, hmmmm?

[He leans over and shoves Bucky lightly.]

You're hardly a genius yourself.

[advanced]

Hey, at least I know enough to admit when I don't know things.

[He ignores the shove and pushes up to his feet again, nodding towards where the sun is setting.]

C'mon, we need to cover some ground unless you want to live in this damn clearing.

[ragnarsson]

I don't admit anything because I already know everything.

[He groans and reluctantly begins to follow after Bucky in his chair. It's a bit rough going over wilderness, but he can cope.]

Must we go?

[There's a bit of a whining tone in his voice. He still really doesn't want to have to part from Bucky.]

[advanced]

Yeah.

[He'd offer to carry Ivar, but he doubts the kid would accept even if it is harder going in his chair when there are no solid roads to go down.]

It's not like we're gonna get there tonight, we're at least a week out from anywhere I can contact them safely.

[ragnarsson]

Oh good. I don't think we've ever even spent a full day in each other's company.

[Now it'll be a full seven days. He'll have to behave himself somewhat or Bucky will likely clobber him. At least that might give him time to try to change his mind about this whole idea of leaving him with this group of do-gooders.]

[advanced]

Pretty sure you'll be begging to be left with Steve after the first one.

[He's not exactly known for being congenial company, or is that a tease? Hard to tell with Bucky's soft tone of voice.]

[ragnarsson]

I've survived eighteen years with my brothers.

[And only killed one of them during that time!]

So I think I'll be able to handle you.

[advanced]

[He rolls his eyes, but merely sets off through the woods.

Bucky falls silent out of habit as they walk, he knows he ought to be talking to Ivar and telling him about the world, teaching him how to fit in, and telling him about the different Avengers so that he'll be prepared. But he's never been good at that, at small talk, at things that might touch on darker subjects.

And so he stays silent.

Unless Ivar bothers him, he'll stay that way until they start to hear distance sounds of cars moving beyond the trees.]