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This is the IC inbox for Bucky Barnes at Snowblind.

Network name: @bucky; formerly @j, @username, and @robertsmith

This is the place to contact Bucky over the Network. Contact by voice, text, or video is all perfectly acceptable, and there is no need to plot with me prior to posting in this inbox.

Any contact for @j following day 125, @username following day 190, or @robertsmith following day 224 will be met with the following message: USER NOT FOUND.

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I didn't contact him, I'm sorry.

[He should have, he was too selfishly caught up in his own grief.]

I think Clint did, I heard yelling.

It's fine. Probably best it was someone else who contacted him. Sherlock doesn't deal well with being upset. He cuts. I'll have to apologize to Clint.

[For a conversation he hasn't heard. But he's pretty sure Sherlock would have said something awful.]

[ WHAT'S THAT is that his name, he hears it. Clint has paused and is maybe listening to the conversation, and when he realizes it's John, his chest gets all tight. Good. Good, he's back, that's a relief, and Clint's shoulders sort of sag. ]

You don't have to apologize to me about anything, John. [ Clint says, raising his voice so it can be heard over the audio feed. ]

[His eyes narrow when he realises someone is listening in on his conversation, but he shifts over so Clint can share the tablet better.]

I heard the yelling, Clint.

[Yelling. Wonderful. John sighs wearily.]

I do, Clint. I'm sorry. I've had to walk away from him before when he got like that... gets like that. He can be a right bastard. Anything he says when he's upset, though... it's the worst things. Please don't take it to mean those are the only deductions he has or that they're even the best thought-through ones. He just wants people to hurt as much as he does.

If there's anything I can do to make up for it, please let me know.

[ Clint just sort of rolls his eyes - which Bucky is going to see, but at least John won't. ]

Nope. You're not the one who needs to apologize, so I'm not asking for you to do anything to make it up to me. [ Huff. ] He's a grown-ass man. He can apologize for himself. And if he won't, he won't.

He's right, you don't take responsibility for someone else's bad choices.

[He owned his mistakes, let Sherlock own his own and apologise himself.]

It's not a choice. He just... he can't help himself sometimes. [Sherlock has almost no brain-to-mouth filter at times, and it can get exhausting.] I don't want you to... I'd rather not have him making enemies. If I can apologize and make it right, I'd prefer to do that.

Noooope. [ He's just dismissing that straight off! ] I'm not gonna make an enemy of him but I'm not gonna let you apologize for him either, because he's a grown-up.

Sorry, John, it's not gonna happen.

[Clint gets a semi nod of approval from Bucky.]

Can he really not help himself?

[Careful how you answer that, John. He'll be a lot more sympathetic to Sherlock if he thinks he really hasn't got the ability to control his brain to mouth filter, though it'll also make him sure there's something actually wrong with him.]

[There's a long pause on John's side as he mulls over how to answer that.]

He's... I don't know, honestly. He stops himself sometimes, but other times he just gets so wrapped up in a thing, especially when he's upset, he doesn't react like he should. He knows what he should be doing. He knows manners and the like. It's like that switch that most people have got that tell them to shut up is turned off most of the time for him, and he has to take time to consciously flip it on, where most people have the default set to on.

[ Clint sighs heavily. ]

He's gonna need to make sure he flips it on more often than not, because the guy is going to get himself killed if he doesn't, John. We're gonna try to make that not happen, but we're not the police, and we can't be everywhere at once. If he pisses off the wrong person, they can just kill him and they probably won't really get punished for it.

Might wanna tell him that.

It's not enough.

[Sorry, John, Sherlock does not get a free pass today.]

I won't get involved with him over this, but Clint is right. He needs to be careful.

I've told him that. He doesn't listen to me. [There's a strong note of frustration in John's tone.] He's gonna get himself killed again, and I can't- [John breaks off. This. This, right here, is why he wanted to stick to voice-to-text.]

Sherlock doesn't care what other people think about him. He doesn't care when he provokes murderers or psychopaths or journalists or anyone. I'm the one who cares. I have to keep him... It's my job to keep him safe. [From himself, especially. And now instead of being unable to walk, he can't do anything with his hands. Even if it's only temporary, it feels like too much to deal with right now.]

I'll try. I just don't know what to do if people won't accept me acting as intermediary for him and apologizing on his behalf. He won't do those things, himself.

John, you gotta know a lot of people aren't gonna accept you acting as an intermediary for him. Maybe let him know people are more likely to kill him here if they get the chance, cause I imagine he cares about being alive.

[ But. Clint is sympathetic to trying to keep people safe. Especially from themselves. ]

A lot of people here respect you, so they're probably not gonna try anything too terrible when it comes to Sherlock. Still. You can't really take all that responsibility, man, it's heavy.

[Perhaps if John hadn't just told Bucky fairly recently about what happened to Sherlock, that might sound comforting. But it doesn't. He reaches over and lays a hand on Clint's arm, frowning, and shakes his head.]

Calm down, John.

[It's an order, rather than sympathy.]

He's not going to do that here, you can watch him. But you can't take responsibility for his actions because you feel guilty for what happened before, he makes his own choices.

[John bites down on the response he has for Clint, something that would, likely, sound mildly hysterical. He just listens to Bucky, knowing the other man is right, logically. His heart rejects the notion that he can't prevent another death, that he couldn't have prevented the first one.]

Mm...

[It's a noncommittal sound.]

I'll try.

[His voice is quiet and he means that for more than just protecting Sherlock.]

[ Oh. Oops. Bucky frowns and puts a hand on Clint's arm, and Clint's expression twists into something guilty. He said something wrong, and he can hear it in both Bucky's response and in the way John gets quiet.

There's a long pause for Clint, and then he sort of just rubs at the back of his neck and mumbles sorry. ]

[He covers the tablet microphone for a second to murmur to Clint. No detail, just context.]

Sherlock killed himself.

[And then he's back to John.]

Good. And don't worry so much, there's not many people here who would actively kill a man for saying rude things.

[No, but they might hurt him! John closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Sherlock's not a weakling. That's important to remind himself of. The man can handle himself reasonably well in a fight. Except he has a bullet wound that's bad enough to need narcotics, and there are people here who don't fight fair, and-

John cuts off that train of thought before it can run away with him.]

You're right. [If he says it with enough conviction, maybe he can make himself believe it.] He'll just be keeping me a bit busier is all. [That's all. Clearly.] I should contact him. I just wanted to let you know I was alive. Sorry. Got off topic there.

You and the others keep safe, all right?

[ Yeah, he screwed up there. Clint stares at Bucky for a moment, totally shocked, and then looks away.

Clint doesn't say anything else because he's reasonably sure if he does, he's going to make it worse! And he's actively trying to fix that bad habit, so he closes his mouth and waves his hand, moving off to walk with Natasha. It was their conversation to begin with, he'll leave them to their goodbyes. ]

Yeah, we will.

[He waits until Clint has moved away enough that he's not in earshot any more before continuing.]

It's just me now. Listen, I know you're scared for him, but you've got to find a way to bite it down. If he wanted to be dead here, he'd be dead already, something has obviously changed.

[John draws his knees up and wraps his arms around them, unseen. He takes a few steadying breaths before replying.]

I know. I'm just... I'm sorry, Buck. I'm not really thinking very well right now. It'll be better after I've had some proper rest.

[One day he'll have to ask John why he's started calling him Buck, when nobody has done that in his life except Steve, but now really isn't that time.]

Yeah, probably.

[He's not going to fuss, but he will make a quiet offer before he goes.]

You need anything, call me.

[And then he's gone, because goodbye is still not always in his vocabulary.]

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