IC Inbox

[advanced]

This is the IC inbox for Bucky Barnes at Snowblind.

Network name: @bucky; formerly @j, @username, and @robertsmith

This is the place to contact Bucky over the Network. Contact by voice, text, or video is all perfectly acceptable, and there is no need to plot with me prior to posting in this inbox.

Any contact for @j following day 125, @username following day 190, or @robertsmith following day 224 will be met with the following message: USER NOT FOUND.

Comments

@Spoiler ; text

[spoileralert]

I'm feeling generous. Who are you and why shouldn't I tell the whole town?

@j; text; private

[advanced]

[He's been expecting this since he woke up that morning, made all the worse by the insistent voices he can hear niggling at the back of his head. He's on edge, he can feel himself walking the razor's edge, and this pushes him closer to falling.

His hands grip the tablet too tightly as he tries to think of a way to set this right.

He can't think. Ever since he had that dream the night before with the Prophet and the cryptic bullshit, he's been slipping closer back to the Soldier. Obedience is demanded, free will shouldn't be his own.

The reply is a long time coming.]

I'm just somebody trapped here like everybody else.

Morning 119; @CaptSteveRogers; video

[starsandtights]

[Steve's nervous, and trying very hard to keep that contained. He schools his voice and his face into something approaching calm and serious. He takes a careful breath before speaking.]

Bucky. I've spoken to Steph. ......Do you remember me?

[God, he hopes Bucky answers.]

@j; text

[advanced]

[This is the last person he wanted to see, especially now.

Ever since he woke up from that bizarre shared dream and spoke to the Prophet, whoever the hell that was, he's been even less stable than usual. There are voices murmuring inside his head constantly, demanding obedience of him. The Soldier is so close, the line between them is blurred and Bucky is only holding onto himself through sheer grit.

And the sight of Steve Rogers does not help.

Target. Mission. Those voices demand for him to comply and he finds himself automatically reaching for a weapon that's not there, his mind blank for one terrifying moment of all except the cold need to eliminate this man.

No. No. He's Bucky Barnes, he's not that man any more. He doesn't want to kill, he doesn't want to be a pawn of HYDRA or anyone else. But this slipping where he had been doing relatively well for months now, it's just proof he can't be around people, especially not Steve. He hates that spoiler girl in this moment, why couldn't she keep her mouth shut?]

I remember, I spoke to you when I got here.

[Lie. He has to lie.]

Whoever you think I am, you've got the wrong man.

@Spoiler ; video

[spoileralert]

I'm sorry.

[ She doubts he'll respond in video, but she wants him to see her face. See that she means it. ]

I don't know if you even remember Steve, but I'm sorry.

@j; text

[advanced]

[It's her.

She's the one who told Steve, he feels a flare of bright anger when he hears her voice.]

Why couldn't you leave it alone?

@lockhart; voice; morning 123

[powersouls]

[Tifa has been trying to figure out what to say to him all day, or if she should say anything to him at all. As awful as all of it was—his dream, and running into him, and... well, dying—Tifa feels bad for him. It wasn't really his fault, right? If she feels guilty about the innocent people she killed with AVALANCHE, she can't imagine how Bucky must feel. At least she did all of it willingly.

Her plan didn't work, anyway. Steve is dead, and Tifa recognizes distantly that she's not actually letting herself deal with it. She can't think about it too hard, not after seeing half the obituary featuring her friends' names and staying up a good chunk of the night trying to take care of Rhys.

She stares down at her tablet for a long moment, picking at a loose thread on her jeans before finally starting to record.]

Bucky? Um...

[She's practically been rehearsing this message in her head all day, but now that she's actually started, that all seems to go out the window.]

This is Tifa. I was... I was in your dream, remember? And then we... [There's a pause as she tries to figure out how to put it delicately.] We ran into each other in the hospital. I just wanted to say... I wanted to apologize. It didn't go the way I expected.

[Obviously.]

I wanted to ask if you were okay, too, and... [WELL.] Please message me back when you get this. I'm not angry, I just want to talk to you.

[Okay, that was the most halting and awkward message she's left, and she feels a little silly.]

Stay safe, okay?

@j; text

[advanced]

[Of all the people he expected to come after him, she was bottom of the list.

No, not quite. She was top of the list of people he expected to be hunting him down. He's never had one of his victims come back to life again, but he imagines that all of them would want revenge for what he did. Is that what this is? Is it an attempt to lull him into a false sense of security so she can take her revenge?

He has no idea what her angle is, but it terrifies him to see her on the screen.

There is one thing that's certain, he doesn't want to talk to her. Not now, and not ever. He doesn't want to explain the Soldier, he doesn't want to see the accusation or even sympathy in her eyes, he doesn't want to do any of it. But he does owe her something.

Which is why, after about two hours, a short message comes through.]

I'm sorry.

[And then he's hanging up and pushing his tablet away. He won't respond again.]

@fenrir, video; evening day 123

[meteorrains]

[Time was, or so he had heard, some magical elixir that was supposed to heal every wound and ease every ache. Memories that were one held close became faded and forgotten. Things that were once clear became blurred and hazy.

Some aches, some pains, some memories would never fade, would never leave you no matter how much time passed since their happening. Memories of that day, of seeing the light leave Tifa's eyes as she slumped against that cold, unforgiving wall would likely haunt him for the rest of his life.

Death didn't operate under the same laws within this place. Dying meant little, once the initial agony and shock passed. Death was simply something you endured, something you experienced before your life was recycled.

Speaking to the person who was responsible for that death wasn't an option many people would ever be given. Attempting to understand why the situation had transpired as it had, how things could have gone so wrong so quickly.

Their plan didn't work, and they had come out on the other side with their prices in tow. But without the guilt of knowing they had killed, of knowing they had taken lives when they had struggled so desperately to change.

One despicable act didn't mean you were a terrible, evil person. Sometimes, people committed atrocities in the name of good, in the name of someone else, in an effort to save them. And sometimes it was because they had no other choice.

And so his voice is calm, even, soft and almost gentle, as if he's speaking to someone else, to someone who hadn't stood in front of him mere days ago and ruthlessly carried out their mission.]

Hey. I just - [A pause, followed by a deep intake of breath. What did one say to someone who had killed them?] I know it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you. We were in your way. [Another pause, another breath.]

Take care of yourself, okay?

@j; audio

[advanced]

[Bucky is already having a terrible night.

Not only is he not alone, a situation he didn't want to be in, but one of the people who has shown up in his shelter is Tifa. It's like a double whammy to hear Cloud's voice coming out of his tablet right on the heels of his conversation with her.

He snarls wordlessly and flings the tablet at the wall. It would catch the sound of tablet hitting wood, briefly on audio, before it cut off.

He will not answer again. He doesn't want to speak to these people, he doesn't want to see anyone here.]

@hotstud_xxx; text; Night 130

[rubikscomplex]

so like i was saying
everything's in the cloud, buck
nice username, btw
did you just ask the admin to change it?
that's handy
i'll let stevie wonder know in case he wants to get in touch with his bestest buddy

@username; text

[advanced]

[He would ignore this for the idiotic attempt to rile him that it is, if it wasn't for the fact he thinks House will go to Steve. Which will make his username change and the precautions he's taken utterly pointless.

He nearly snarls at the tablet before forcing himself to reply.]

You'd put him in danger if you did.
Is that what you want?

[Say yes and he is turning around and coming to take House out.]

@besame; video; private; day 134

[1946redvelvet]

[After - after, Peggy had spent most of her time trying to find James again. He'd changed his username on the network, that much was clear, but he'd made himself known. It'd taken some sifting through posts and given Peggy new information about a number of people she didn't really know yet.

And she found him. She isn't sure what she feels this to be her responsibility, but. She doesn't feel the strength to announce Steve's death to the network once more, but James deserves to know. He does.

She makes sure the video is set to private, takes some time to make sure she looks decent and not just like a shadow of her former self, and then starts recording her message.]

Hi James.

Please, don't ask me how I know it's you, and please, I don't need the spiel about this isn't your name, or whatever you're consistently telling yourself.

I'm just here to tell you that...Steve - Steve died. Again. He didn't recover his memories, and I believe the repairs' illness took its toll on him, and made him less alert.

[She pauses. The pain of losing him again is like so many waves of nausea going through Peggy every time she thinks about it.]

Maybe he'll come back. I still felt that you should know.

[Peggy can't cry anymore. She hasn't got anymore tears to cry.]

@username; audio; private

[advanced]

[His initial reaction when her names pops up on his screen is panic.

He's been found again, and if she's found him then Steve surely isn't far behind, and everything he's done to try and keep himself concealed and separate is for nothing. He doesn't know if the admin will let him change again. Perhaps if he sets the tablet aside and doesn't reply then she'll think she made a mistake.

But then she keeps talking, and the bottom drops out of his stomach.

Again?

He feels like someone is pushing a blunted knife very slowly through his ribs and into his lungs, making sure to cause the maximum amount of pain and steal his breath away. Regret hits him like a truck. He should have taken the chance when it was still there to talk to him more, he should have--

For once he clicks the audio feed on after making certain it's private, voice a low and raspy croak.]

Where are you?

[He doesn't want to be around anyone, but he will damn well make sure someone he can trust-- not many of those people around-- goes to Peggy and watches over her until Steve is back. It's the least he can do for his memory.]

@itsybitsy; audio; day 140

[redrooms]

I understand you don't enjoy your conversations being listened to, but as there's no way to speak privately on the network and I'm assuming every inch of this place is bugged, we don't have much choice. So, tell me what you think about what Robert Miller is telling us.

[It should hit close to home for both of them, she thinks.]

@username; audio; private

[advanced]

[There's a long silence before he replies. He's been following the whole thing and it disturbs him down to his core for so many reasons, which makes him even less willing to discuss this over the network than most other things.]

It's probably a lie.

@itsybitsy; audio; night 149

[redrooms]

Jay. Keeping warm?

[He must feel very lucky she's using audio, because he gets the full brunt of the irritation and sarcasm in her voice this way.]

text; private

[advanced]

[Damn.

So Clint obviously took his revenge by tattling in return.]

Warm enough. I'm handling it.

@itsybitsy; audio; day 150, worrying round two

[redrooms]

How are you feeling? Did everything go smoothly?

text; private

[advanced]

[His first reaction when he hears this is to smile, just slightly, before the paranoia rears its ugly head again.]

I'm fine.

How's Clint?

@itsybitsy; text; night 153, after lockdown

[redrooms]

Barton is gone. An anomaly. I wanted to tell you personally rather than letting you find out through the obituary.

[This message makes it clear that she is 100% fine, shut up.]

[advanced]

[Shit.

He wouldn't have called Clint a friend, not yet, but the man had been good to him and oddly likeable in an irritating kind of way. He's surprised by how much this bothers him, though perhaps it's just the proximity to Steve putting him on edge.]

How did it happen?

[He knows anomaly, but surely they're all fast enough to escape.]

@hawkguy, text, night of Day 154

[awwnoun]

so the good news is that i'm alive

[advanced]

[He is relieved, but he's a little short of expressing happy emotion right now because he's trapped in a house with Steve Rogers.]

Frostbite gone?

[Welcome back.]

@Spoiler ; video ; Day 154

[spoileralert]

[ Video is maybe not the best choice for someone who hasn't had the chance to wash tears and her dead boyfriend's blood off of her clothes, hands and face yet, but as with before she feels it's important that Bucky be able to see her face, see how she feels and that she's not hiding anything. She looks desperately sad, of course, but also open, candid. ]

Hey, listen. I know I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I have something to say. You don't have to answer, it doesn't matter, I just. I need to say this.

I'm sorry. For everything. I was... I was so scared, not just of you, of everything and everyone. And I know that's a shitty excuse, I just want to explain that I'm not scared anymore. I realize now that I never should have been in the first place. You didn't do anything wrong. I overreacted, and I freaked out, and I didn't really ever stop freaking out until recently. Not just in real life, in the dream too. Everything I said and did was stupid and mean and I'm sorry.

And, while I'm thinking about it, you should know I didn't tell anybody the specifics of that dream. Not the other Steve, not this Steve, not anyone.

@username; text; private

[advanced]

[He doesn't care about her excuses.

She expressly went behind his back, against his wishes, and told the very people he didn't want to know he was here that he was around. She told them how to contact him. She started the whole debacle that led to Tifa and Cloud being killed.

He doesn't trust her for an instant, he dislikes her intensely, and so his reply is short and brusque.]

Never contact me again.

@itsybitsy; audio; night 155 after Watson's post (I lied u can't get rid of me)

[redrooms]

Guess who. Did you see Watson's response to my post?

[She's assuming he's just as much of a network stalker as she is.]

audio; private (yay)

[advanced]

[His reply, when it comes, it incredibly flat.]

I saw it.

@IAmLegend; private; text; Day 156 early

[definingfuture]

I need to talk to you.

@username; text; private

[advanced]

What?

@itsybitsy; audio; night 156 ROUND TWO LET'S GO

[redrooms]

So, Bucky, I have a few updates for you, but I just want to make sure you're not going to hang up on me abruptly in the middle of our conversation for the millionth time.

audio; private forever

[advanced]

[This being the next day, he's at least calmed down some. But his head is still spinning from the conversation with Tony earlier.]

I hang up when the conversation is over.

@captsteverogers; audio - Night 158

[bottledblond]

It was just after Lockdown. Steve was too far away to hear the telltale click by the tablet helpfully reminded him that all of his running had been for nothing. Cold and wheezing, he took a hit of his inhaler after he slowed to a stop. It was too late now.

The temperature dropped rapidly and he started to move again. He was delaying the inevitable. He'd miscalculated. How? How did he keep forgetting that despite the muscle and the size, he was just Steve Rogers, just as good, physically, as that kid from Brooklyn.

He was going to die. Not by doing something heroic end saving Peggy or keeping the Tesseract out of the hands of people that would use it to do harm to the world. He was going to die because he had gotten sloppy.

Maybe that's what prompted him to call Bucky. Or maybe it was because Steph said it was better not to die alone. And he knew that. He'd had Peggy in his ear the last time he went down and it was better that way.

Steve waited for the other man to pick up, trudging along to a building he knew would be locked. He tried the knob anyway and let out a sigh of annoyance when Bucky finally answered. Or his answering service picked up.

"Hey Buck. It's Steve."

@username; audio; private

[advanced]

Steve hadn't called him yet.

He had respected his need for privacy, he had even said when they were together briefly that he accepted Bucky's choice and wouldn't be in contact unless it was absolutely necessary. Which meant this was no social call. He was instantly alert, tablet pulled onto his lap, grateful that nobody else was with him for once.

He strained to hear clues as to what it could be before he responded. Could one of the others have died again? Was he growing sicker? No. No, that was the crunch of snow under boots in the background.

"You're outside."

His voice sounded strange to his own ears.

@itsybitsy; audio; later on 158? SUPER DUPER LATE

[redrooms]

Bucky. Can I speak with you for a moment? I know you're grieving, but this is important.

@username; text; private

[advanced]

[He's already argued with Stark once tonight, he doesn't want another fight.]

What is it?

@itsybitsy; audio; day 161

[redrooms]

[So, day one of making sure Bucky doesn't massively screw up again! Considering it's going to take them forever and a day to get to him, Natasha has decided to check up on him regularly. Prepare to get sick of her, Bucky.]

How's your shoulder doing?

@username; audio

[advanced]

[It takes him a little while to respond. His arm was taken off and pieces of his shoulder amputated today, he's ever so slightly high on Vicodin and Fentora. Probably the best indicator of that is when he doesn't make certain he's on private, as he does every other time he talks to someone.]

It's numb.

@jwilson; video; Day 161

[oh_negative]

[He opts for video this time, hoping that Bucky will do the same. It'd be good to actually put a face to the name.]

Hi there, Jay. I'm just calling to check in on your Fentora prescription. Did you get the medication? How are you doing?

@username; voice; private

[advanced]

[He would normally respond through text, but that's very difficult at the moment. His head is fog from the drugs, and now he only has one arm, so audio it is. But even as high as he is now, there's no way he's incautious enough to use video.]

I got it.

[His words are slurring slightly.]

You don't have to check in.

@hawkguy, audio, day 163

[awwnoun]

[ Have an exhausted sounding Clint: ] Hey... hey, buddy, you there? I gotta ask you something.

@username; audio; private

[advanced]

[It takes quite some time for Bucky to answer, because he only has one arm and that's sort of engaged with holding up John, but eventually he manages to shift the tablet and turn it on.]

I'm here.

[He doesn't even tell Clint off for calling him buddy.]

@itsybitsy; audio; day 164

[redrooms]

[A little after noon, Natasha messages Bucky. He's one of the first people she contacts, after Tony and Clint, while she's still holed up in the chapel. There's something off about her voice—not quite unsteady, but on the verge of it, as though she's forcing it to calm.]

Bucky. I'm alive. Are you alright?

[Davesprite told her about their run-in, oops.]

audio; private

[advanced]

[Just as it had been with Clint, it takes Bucky a little while to reply. He has his tablet balanced on John's belly and it's hard to operate when his only arm is occupied. But he does get there eventually.]

...what did they take from you?

[He's worried, okay?]

@jwatson; text; Day 170

[jumpthegun]

[Third call, and they're not getting any easier, really.]

Bucky, I'm alive. I'm really sorry about what happened. I've woken up at the funeral home and I'm over in the clinic with some people now. I just thought you should know.

text;

[advanced]

[Shit.

It's a good job this is text, it stops his embarrassingly shaky relieved exhale being broadcast out. He falls back a bit from the others, replies coming slowly from the awkwardness of trying to balance the tablet and type at the same time. He'll stick to business, it's easier.]

Do you know what's been taken from you?

@featherydouche; text; morning 170

[mrcreamsicles]

hey
clint told me watson died and what happened
are you doing alright

text;

[advanced]

[He doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, so his reply is pretty blunt.]

Yes.

[Okay, is that all?]

@ketximq; video; Night 173

[mightyratslayer]

[Hey there, new friend. Guess who made you a present and then totally forgot to deliver it until just now! It's late, but Charlie's all fired up from exploring cool tunnel stuff and it's not like he can sleep anyway, so he's hoping Bucky is up too. By now, Charlie knows that Bucky is not much for small talk, so Charlie just links a video he recorded for him back when he was at the school.]

@username; video

[advanced]

[He doesn't often use video, but this is an exception. He's not sleeping, he rarely sleeps if he can help it, and so the link comes through at once. It's-- amazing. Not so much the playing, though he's obviously a good pianist, but that Charlie thought of him enough to go to this much effort for him.

He's smiling at his end of the video link, expression soft in a way it very seldom is.]

I'd applaud, but I can't.

[One handed clapping is just silly.]

...Thank you.