IC Inbox

[advanced]

This is the IC inbox for Bucky Barnes at Snowblind.

Network name: @bucky; formerly @j, @username, and @robertsmith

This is the place to contact Bucky over the Network. Contact by voice, text, or video is all perfectly acceptable, and there is no need to plot with me prior to posting in this inbox.

Any contact for @j following day 125, @username following day 190, or @robertsmith following day 224 will be met with the following message: USER NOT FOUND.

Comments

@jwatson; text; Day 170

[jumpthegun]

[Third call, and they're not getting any easier, really.]

Bucky, I'm alive. I'm really sorry about what happened. I've woken up at the funeral home and I'm over in the clinic with some people now. I just thought you should know.

text;

[advanced]

[Shit.

It's a good job this is text, it stops his embarrassingly shaky relieved exhale being broadcast out. He falls back a bit from the others, replies coming slowly from the awkwardness of trying to balance the tablet and type at the same time. He'll stick to business, it's easier.]

Do you know what's been taken from you?

text;

[jumpthegun]

My hands. They're paralyzed.

text;

[advanced]

[His immediate thought is that it could be worse, immediately followed by a flash of guilt at thinking something so callous.]

Sorry.

[There's a long pause.]

I'm glad you're back, your hands will be fine. It's always temporary.

text;

[jumpthegun]

Yeah, I know.

[He's not going to mention last night or the overwhelming sense of helplessness that's descended since it.]

All of you came out of it all right? No more surprises or scares?

text;

[advanced]

[This feels so stilted and awkward, but what does he say to a friend he helped kill? It's just like with Tifa all over again, but twenty times worse.]

We're fine. Quit worrying.

Who's with you?

text;

[jumpthegun]

Kid and Dr. Stein.

[Truly, these are people to trust with his health and well-being.]

I'm heading off soon to meet up with Sherlock. I can walk. There's nothing wrong with me except my hands. I'll manage.

audio;

[advanced]

[At least he's with people, though not very comforting people. Bucky will keep a close eye on them both and if either fail at helping out here, he will have words with them. There's so much he can't do without hands. Feed himself effectively, wash, even unzip and aim to go to the bathroom. It just makes the guilt feel like it's choking.

He switches to audio, easier for both of them considering.]

I'm sorry, John.

audio;

[jumpthegun]

[Audio isn't really easier for John on an emotional level. It means he needs to regulate his voice and his emotions more closely. His voice is only a little shaky when he replies. He's well aware of just how helpless he is, even if he's not going to openly admit it.]

This isn't your fault, Bucky. Please don't. That anomaly likely would have gotten me, injuries or no. She-she... [He swallows and goes quiet for a moment.] It was quiet and came up out of nowhere.

audio;

[advanced]

[The silence is heavy and telling.

He doesn't believe that this isn't his fault. He crippled John, he put him down where he couldn't run from an anomaly, this death is on his shoulders. Murderer again. But he doesn't argue it out loud, his guilt isn't John's problem.]

You recognised her?

[It didn't look too much like a she to him, just long hair and broken limbs.]

audio;

[jumpthegun]

[There's another stretch of silence, and when John speaks, his tone is entirely flat as he just turns everything off. It's easier to shut down emotionally at this point.]

It was Fiona.

[advanced]

Shit.

[It comes out quiet and fervent. No wonder John was so messed up, he can't even imagine how he'd be if Steve had risen from the snow like that.]

Sorry.

[A pause.]

We'll make them sorry they used her that way.

[jumpthegun]

Yeah.

[What else is there really to say?]

We have to go 'round the spiral first. The east side of the town's going to be more difficult to get through after that attack.

[He's talking about the video. Focusing on work. Just let him focus on something that isn't this.]

[advanced]

[He nods, fully understanding of needing to focus on other things. It's how he feels a lot of the time too.]

We're heading that way ourselves now, we're going to go through the Hsaioke pass.

[jumpthegun]

Let me know what you find there. We'll probably head that way before long. Not sure if Sherlock's had a chance to look at the anomaly down in the fire station. I know he wanted to.

[advanced]

I didn't contact him, I'm sorry.

[He should have, he was too selfishly caught up in his own grief.]

I think Clint did, I heard yelling.

[jumpthegun]

It's fine. Probably best it was someone else who contacted him. Sherlock doesn't deal well with being upset. He cuts. I'll have to apologize to Clint.

[For a conversation he hasn't heard. But he's pretty sure Sherlock would have said something awful.]

[awwnoun]

[ WHAT'S THAT is that his name, he hears it. Clint has paused and is maybe listening to the conversation, and when he realizes it's John, his chest gets all tight. Good. Good, he's back, that's a relief, and Clint's shoulders sort of sag. ]

You don't have to apologize to me about anything, John. [ Clint says, raising his voice so it can be heard over the audio feed. ]

[advanced]

[His eyes narrow when he realises someone is listening in on his conversation, but he shifts over so Clint can share the tablet better.]

I heard the yelling, Clint.

[jumpthegun]

[Yelling. Wonderful. John sighs wearily.]

I do, Clint. I'm sorry. I've had to walk away from him before when he got like that... gets like that. He can be a right bastard. Anything he says when he's upset, though... it's the worst things. Please don't take it to mean those are the only deductions he has or that they're even the best thought-through ones. He just wants people to hurt as much as he does.

If there's anything I can do to make up for it, please let me know.

[awwnoun]

[ Clint just sort of rolls his eyes - which Bucky is going to see, but at least John won't. ]

Nope. You're not the one who needs to apologize, so I'm not asking for you to do anything to make it up to me. [ Huff. ] He's a grown-ass man. He can apologize for himself. And if he won't, he won't.

[advanced]

He's right, you don't take responsibility for someone else's bad choices.

[He owned his mistakes, let Sherlock own his own and apologise himself.]

[jumpthegun]

It's not a choice. He just... he can't help himself sometimes. [Sherlock has almost no brain-to-mouth filter at times, and it can get exhausting.] I don't want you to... I'd rather not have him making enemies. If I can apologize and make it right, I'd prefer to do that.

[awwnoun]

Noooope. [ He's just dismissing that straight off! ] I'm not gonna make an enemy of him but I'm not gonna let you apologize for him either, because he's a grown-up.

Sorry, John, it's not gonna happen.

[advanced]

[Clint gets a semi nod of approval from Bucky.]

Can he really not help himself?

[Careful how you answer that, John. He'll be a lot more sympathetic to Sherlock if he thinks he really hasn't got the ability to control his brain to mouth filter, though it'll also make him sure there's something actually wrong with him.]