IC Inbox

[advanced]

This is the IC inbox for Bucky Barnes at Snowblind.

Network name: @bucky; formerly @j, @username, and @robertsmith

This is the place to contact Bucky over the Network. Contact by voice, text, or video is all perfectly acceptable, and there is no need to plot with me prior to posting in this inbox.

Any contact for @j following day 125, @username following day 190, or @robertsmith following day 224 will be met with the following message: USER NOT FOUND.

Comments

[redrooms]

[Natasha hesitates for a moment.]

I'm not sure yet.

[That's not quite the truth, because everything she's feeling now—the slight lightheadedness, the strange sense that everything isn't quite real—it's all familiar, but she doesn't want to panic him. She takes in a slow breath, and then finally, a little quieter:]

Something's wrong.

[advanced]

Whatever it is, it's temporary.

[It's the most comforting thing he can think to say. His voice is softer than usual, though not by much.]

Not sure means you have an idea.

[redrooms]

[On the other side of the tablet, Natasha scrubs a hand over her face.]

An idea. I can't say for certain, but...

[If anyone will understand, it's Bucky.]

The Red Room liked to mess with our heads. It feels like that.

[She says it almost casually, although it sounds forced, as if she's trying to keep some distance as she admits it.]

[advanced]

[Well, damn.

He's quiet for a moment, feeling the gravity of that sink in. He understands what it means, maybe not in specific terms but definitely in the fear of what it can do, and his heart goes out to her in that moment.]

You've got this.

[The encouragement doesn't come easily, but it is sincere.]

You told me you fought through it before, you can do it again.

[redrooms]

That isn't the point.

[It comes out sharp and angry, because it's much easier for her to deal with anger than with fear right now. She hates this, feeling like she has no control all over again.]

I still don't know what she did. Not for sure.

[advanced]

[He knows it's not the point, but there are no words for the horror of being programmed. For the sickening loss of sense of self.]

Then we'll make sure to ask her when we find her.

[Pointedly. Perhaps with sharp objects.]

[redrooms]

[The "we" is new, and it's nice. Nice enough to get Natasha to calm down a bit.]

Thank you.

[She lets out a breath, just this side of shaky.]

I can't figure out if this is a quirk of the revival system or an intentional choice.

[advanced]

[He doesn't even realise he's said we, it just slipped out.]

I think it has to be intentional, too many people seem to have things that matter to them.

[redrooms]

[Natasha makes a quiet, noncommittal noise. This is probably the most tired, the most drained, he's ever heard her.]

Punishment, maybe.

[advanced]

[How has he come to care if she's tired or not?]

You're not being punished.

[redrooms]

I mean for dying. As a deterrent.

[There's a slight pause.]

I'd rather be blind or mute.

[advanced]

Yeah.

[The soft agreement comes without hesitation. He doesn't think she's exaggerating or that it's unreasonable. Programming is that bad.]

You're not alone.

[redrooms]

I know.

[There's another little soft exhale.]

This doesn't change anything. I'll still get to you as quickly as I can.

[advanced]

Don't push yourself, another day is worth it to survive.

[That was almost nice!]

[redrooms]

[That was nice! But Natasha doesn't listen to anyone telling her to chill, oops.]

I'm fine. Where are you?

[advanced]

Heading towards the pharmacy, we're not moving quickly.

[Like. At all.]

[redrooms]

I'm in the chapel. Who are you with?

[advanced]

John.

[Yes, it's John now, not Watson.]

I think Clint is nearer.

[redrooms]

He is. I'm trying to catch up.

[She show totally rest, but she's stubborn.]

I'm sorry if I worried you.

[advanced]

[There's a long silence. Showing what he's feeling really isn't easy for him these days, but after what she's been through-- Well, having something to hold onto fighting programming is worth making the effort.]

I'm just glad you're back, and not because you're coming to help me.

[redrooms]

[It does help, and she smiles a little, the expression sneaking into her voice.]

Charmer. I'll try not to die in such a stupid way next time.

[advanced]

How about you try not to die at all?

[redrooms]

[Oh, Bucky.]

I'm teasing you. I'm not going to go traipsing into the snow before lockdown for fun.

[advanced]

I'll hold you to that, Natasha.

[It always feels strange to say her name, intimate. Not just her, anyone, he's so used to being not close enough to people to need to use names.]

[redrooms]

Good. The same holds for you, too. Don't follow my terrible example.