IC Inbox

[advanced]

This is the IC inbox for Bucky Barnes at Snowblind.

Network name: @bucky; formerly @j, @username, and @robertsmith

This is the place to contact Bucky over the Network. Contact by voice, text, or video is all perfectly acceptable, and there is no need to plot with me prior to posting in this inbox.

Any contact for @j following day 125, @username following day 190, or @robertsmith following day 224 will be met with the following message: USER NOT FOUND.

Comments

[advanced]

No.

[redrooms]

Don't be an idiot. You'll fix the frostbite and die of infection.

[advanced]

I can handle it. Trust me.

[He's endured a lot worse than a little self surgery, he's got this covered.]

[redrooms]

You don't have to do it alone, and it's stupid to. Stubborn. That's my point.

[advanced]

Clint told me where you are, I'm not near there. By the time we meet up more damage will have been done.

Just use your supplies on him. He's an archer, he can't afford to lose fingers.

[redrooms]

I'm taking care of Clint. There's enough for both of you.

[advanced]

I said I'm nowhere near you.

The longer I wait, the more damage will be done.

[redrooms]

[He gets another frustrated sigh. He should start tallying them.]

And in the future, is this what you're going to do? Deal with everything by yourself no matter how little sense it makes?

[advanced]

[There's an audible hiss as he sighs right back, switching to the audio function finally.]

Tell me how it makes more sense to wait?

[redrooms]

I'm not arguing that. We're stuck with it now, but this is becoming a pattern, and it makes no sense for you to stubbornly refuse help every time we offer it.

[advanced]

[The worst thing about this is that he wants to trust them. Everything they've done so far, especially Natasha and Tony, has been to his benefit and done with obvious care. But he can't, he can't trust anyone, he can't even trust himself.

He's scared.

Not that he could ever admit that, he's not really into touchy-feely talking about his emotions. And even if he wanted to, some things are better left unsaid. But it means he's conflicted about all of this, about her offers of help, about everything. It manifests in an annoyed growl at the back of his throat.]

If you were nearer, I wouldn't refuse your help.

[absentconstellation]

[ Not even the Cat believes that, and he's only heard half the conversation. Still, he walks over to crawl into Bucky's lap, purring comfortingly. ]

[advanced]

[This is strange now that he knows the cat is a fully sentient creature who can talk, it's like hugging a stranger.

He just looks down at his lap, not turfing him off but not stroking him either.]

[absentconstellation]

[ He is a cat, sir. He is just going to snuggle and purr. ]

[redrooms]

Would you, or are you only saying that so I'll stop badgering you?

[God, Bucky.]

It doesn't matter to me that you're not the same man I know. I still consider you a part of our team, and I imagine Tony and Clint would agree. That doesn't mean you need to stay with us or even check in regularly, but if you need help, I'd like you to know that you can come to us, no strings attached.

[advanced]

[Ouch.

Her words hit him hard, and he finds it hard to dismiss them after what Steve had told him about his own future. Being a member of a team after all, getting through his programming and sorting it all out.

Could he trust himself to have that here? Could he trust them? It's on the tip of his tongue, both a refusal and an agreement, and all that's holding him back is this paranoid and wary voice at the back of his head whispering how he can't be trusted. It's got worse since he got here, he knows that, and he's beginning to suspect something is off about it.

There's just a long silence to follow her words while he stares down at the tablet and the purring cat in his lap, utterly torn. When he finally does reply, his words are quiet.]

I'll remember.

[He can make no promises that he will come to them, but he will remember the offer and how genuinely it was given.]

I want to trust you.

[redrooms]

I know it isn't easy.

[And, really, when Tony had first suggested giving Bucky the shield back home, she'd argued against it. He might not be ready, she'd said. He might not even be right for it, but he'd proven himself. And this might not be the same Bucky, but he's similar enough, and Steve speaks so highly of him... She can't help but think that he could do good things, could really help people if he just got out of his own way.]

Keep in mind, out of everyone here, I'd be willing to bet we're potentially the best equipped to deal with things going... south.

[It's intentionally vague, because she knows he's paranoid, but it's true. Clint has dealt with Natasha being brainwashed, and he and Tony both know exactly what her—and Bucky's—conditioning entailed. She's sure there are some differences, but not significant enough to make any of this impossible.]

[advanced]

[He knows that's true. All logical evidence says he should just give up the ghost and go to them. They already know he's here, it's impossible for him to escape from Norfinbury thus far, he might need help to stop him from attacking people, and they want to help him.

So why can't he just get over that barrier inside himself that won't let him?

Is it Steve? He's not even sure any more, he's not even sure if it would be such a bad idea to let Steve see him. His breathing is ragged and choppy down the tablet speakers, which is unfortunately the only response Nat is going to get. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know what to think, so he ends up just terminating the call.]