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[... welp. she can read between those lines.]

Oh.

[a slight pause. then,]

You wanna come over? I have ice cream and shitty movies.

No.

[He's avoiding the quarantine zone as much as possible at the moment, living out in the surrounding woods or abandoned city.]

But if you want to see me, I'll meet you at the perimeter gate and walk you out.

[Shit, something really is bad. She starts moving immediately, stuffing her backpack full of extra first aid gear just in case.]

Sure. Be right there.

[?? you're freaking her out a bit, pal, so she's going to hurry.]

[She'll probably get there just a little before he does.

He does not look good when she gets there, his hair is greasy, his clothes are dirty, and he has the tired look of someone that's been running almost nonstop for days now. Mostly because he kind of has, if not literally.]

Over here.

[But he doesn't look hurt, at least in the ways she's looking for. The big ones that can kill someone outright.

She looks him up and down, and her mouth twists down at one corner.]

You doing okay?

[He shrugs slightly, already starting to lead her back away from the perimeter fence and out into the wilderness. He chooses to answer her question with another question.]

Did you get changed recently?

Uh...

[She... looks down at her clothing??]

New jacket...?

[Her old one was falling apart, and this place has so much stuff she couldn't help herself. She picks at it absently, suddenly self-conscious and then it-- hits her that's probably not what he's talking about.]

Oh. You mean. The-- that. Thing. Where everyone was different.

Mm.

[It's only a slight grunt of agreement, but the look in his eyes when he focused on her is intense and concerned. Was it her too? Was it everyone?

He doesn't say anything else yet, just waiting for her answer. He wants to know what she experienced, and if she's also lost a lot of what it was when it was done.]

[Anyone else, she'd dodge the question. But he's not anybody else, and so-- deep breath, Ellie.]

Yeah. It... my girlfr-- Riley. Riley was alive, and it was me and her going on the big trip to get to the Fireflies. Uh-- anti-government rogue military group, the only other people who had the resources to try and do something with my whole. [she gestures vaguely at her arm. it's always covered, but he's seen the scars.] thing.

[The trip was harder than it was (would have been?) with Joel. Two teenage girls alone in the wilderness? They got tough fast. They had to. But when it was good... fuck, it was so good--]

I never met Joel. Never-- [a huff.] -- you know, with the cannibal fucks that tried to eat me.

[For some reason it surprises him to hear that she's gay. He doesn't care, it's just that back when he was young it wasn't something broadcast, so he hasn't really come across that many people who were open about it.]

So it wasn't just that you were sent back into your past.

[Because that's what it was for him.

It sounds like she had maybe a better time, some nice memories of what could have been. But that could be worse sometimes, a bittersweet reminder of impossible circumstances.]

[Well, she's not open about it with anyone else, so congrats on that, pal. Ellie gives him a quizzical look and shakes her head.]

No. No-- more like, an alternate reality or something. Sounds like something out of a fucking comic book.

[A beat.]

Was that what it was like for you? Your past somehow?

[He doesn't know what this means, is it better or worse that some people experienced things outside of the realms of possibility for their lives? He wants to retreat now he has the information, but Ellie has earned more than that from him, so he nods.]

Yeah.

[He digs into his pocket and pulls out a folded and faded photograph, a black and white of a smiling army sergeant in dress uniform, and holds it out to her.]

A past I don't remember very well.

[She's careful with the photograph. Of course she is - they're a rare and precious thing in her world. Her fingers smooth down the edges of one crumpled corner.

The change is-- remarkable. Obscene. If he hadn't told her outright, she doesn't think she would have realized it was the same person. Just like that picture of Joel and Sarah together, before the world went to shit. It isn't fair that people have to suffer.

She commits it to memory, hands it back with a wry smile.]

Pretty cute, but just between you and me? Guy looks kinda like a smart-ass.

[She doesn't want to tell him outright, I like who you are now. But she can certainly imply it.]

[This is why he likes Ellie, and why the trust he has for her is only growing each time they meet. She knows what it's like to have a different self, a different life, and understands that sympathy isn't always the right response. What she says is unexpected, and just right, enough to draw the corner of his lips up into a tiny smile.]

Yeah, a real punk.

[He hesitates a moment, but she deserves to know why experiencing that happier past has messed him up so much at the moment.]

But him, who I was, he was taken from me. I don't remember a lot, and even after living it again, I still don't remember. Something here changed me and I couldn't fight it, I never want that to happen again.

I get that.

[She does. How awful it must be, to see a glimpse of some other - better? - time, only to have it ripped away. And having fucked up memories on top of it all...

There are only a few things a person ever has that make them human. She figures memories are probably part of that. It must feel awful, lacking those, being some-- fucked up creature of raw nerves and anger. It puts things in context for her, a little. Why he is the way he is, how long he's been hurting. Like a broken bone you walk on until you've ground down the jagged edges of the fracture into something manageable. You can use the limb: but at what fucking cost?

She sits down on a log, and opens up her pack. She brought food, of course - that's just ritual by now with him.]

You... wanna talk about it? Or would you rather just blow shit up? I may have liberated some C4 from the armoury... you know, for a rainy day...

[Does he want to talk about it?

No. Never. He's terrified to talk about it in depth, there are things that he fears will eat him alive if he lets them out of the dark recesses of his mind. But the basics, the truth, those are things she deserves to know from him. She's earned that level of trust, the one Clark has already reached.]

How much do you know about history before the outbreak?

[That is assuming they're even from comparable worlds.]

Heard of the Second World War? Adolf Hitler?

I know a little.

[Probably less than she thinks she does. War history was still taught in military prep, but Boston didn't exactly have any living historians. The version of history she knew was mostly distilled by the lowest common denominator, and mostly: nobody fucking cared. Ancient history didn't mean squat - even as far as learning tactics went - when what you were fighting in the now was a more clear and present danger.]

Uh... he bombed Pearl Harbour - Hawaii, right? - and America went and kicked his ass into next week.

[Because of course she only knows the Jingoistic version. She probably couldn't name the other allies if she tried.]

[Even if his memories of fighting that war are mostly gone, he still winces slightly at the utterly inaccurate idea of what that war was. He supposes it's not important for the narrative, and it's not surprising that history has been lost following such a cataclysmic event. Seems strange, though, that such a huge struggle of so many millions has become barely a footnote in history.]

That man, [He nods towards the photograph he showed her.] was a soldier in that war. Sergeant James Barnes, a sniper, until he-- I-- was caught by HYDRA, the deep science division of the Nazi Party, and experimented on. Didn't know it at the time, but those experiments saved my life when I fell from a train into a ravine later, lost my arm, and HYDRA found me half dead. They did things... made me into the Soldier. I forgot my name, I forgot everything except obedience. I was a weapon, and when I wasn't used I was put in storage. That's what I did for seventy years.

[That's glossing over huge parts of what HYDRA did to him, but Ellie's smart, she can probably infer the sorts of things needed to make a man become literally a shell of himself.]

A few months ago something-- happened, let me break the programming and I ran. I learned my name by visiting a museum, I still don't remember a lot of who I am, and I'm still dangerous.

[She can read between the lines. In this instance, they're drawn in blood, and she sucks in a sharp little breath between her gritted teeth. It's not quite a pained grimace, but it's-- something.

This is big, and bad, and way fucking worse than she was expecting. She's used to a world where torture is normal, where humans are barely more than feral animals snarling at each other over the ragged scraps of a dead world, but this. It's so cold and cruel and deliberate.]

Fuckers.

[It's her sole pronouncement on what she thinks of these people, clear and without ambiguity. She'd probably kill them if she had half a chance. She looks down at her hands, and rubs at a patch of scuffed-up skin, some sort of healing scrape.]

So... what's next? Just kind of... figuring things out as you go along?

Yeah.

[He wishes that he had a plan that was greater than that, but he doesn't. It's just to survive and keep himself from slipping into the weapon again.]

I know that some of what they put in my head is still there, it's why I keep myself away from people so that I don't hurt anyone that I don't mean to.

[He shrugs, like that's just a normal sort of existence.]

I'm making new memories, I'm making choices, it's something.

[She waves a chicken drumstick at him, trying to get him to take it from her. Will you sit down, you weirdo??]

It is something.

[And she bets it's hard. Sure, maybe she's never-- been through all that, but she's seen (and done) enough now that she can empathize it. Seems like it was one more awful chapter in a no-good very-shitty life. Her demons live in her head, too. He probably has to face his every fucking day.

(She tries to. She does. But sometimes it's too much, and in a place where she has the luxury of being able to stay in bed if she wants, she feels like sometimes she probably takes that opportunity too often.)]

I'm glad that hanging out with me is a choice you're making. You know. For the record, and all.

[She wants to ask if the people responsible are dead, but she won't. That's a personal question. David's dead, but she doesn't want to fucking tell people that she did it, or how. She isn't ready to say I turned a guy into hamburger with a machete while the world burned around me. He doesn't have to say it either if he doesn't want. She can just be quiet and understanding, and maybe that's what friendship is. Maybe it's part of who she's becoming. She likes the thought that maybe it's something she can be good at, so far away from the ruined wasteland of her life.]

[He still feels the itching at the back of his skull for having told someone part of his secrets, like his survival instincts are questioning why he's adding another threat to the pack he already has to deal with, but it's not as bad as it usually is. Ellie understands, she responds the right way to keep his jagged edges hidden, and he appreciates it.

The tiniest of smiles touches his lips as he reaches out to take the drumstick finally, though he doesn't sit down.]

You need higher standards, kid.

[But he's pleased that it's a choice he's making too. Every time he sees her, sees anyone, and the interaction isn't violent or vicious, it's-- better, good, it reminds him that he is something more than a weapon now.]

My standards are just fine, thank you very much.

[She puts her nose in the air for emphasis, and fakes a bad British accent for that last bit for no real reason except that she's being a bit of a little shit.]

But seriously, though? I'd take you on your worst day over most of the people here on their best. And I mean that.

[She shrugs, the packs of her bag riding up on her skinny shoulders.]

[It's a kind thing to say, though he thinks she'd at least be sensible enough to fight back if she did actually come face to face with him on his worst day. He wouldn't even be himself if that happened.]

You're not bad to be around either.

[He means more than that, but can't really say it.]

It's good to have a friend.

[That gets the flickering, shy little smile of a little girl who hasn't really had enough people say nice things to her over the years. It's hard to realize you're missing something from the substrata of your life's essence until it's given freely.]

Yeah. [She rubs her nose on her sleeve.] Guess it is.

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