advanced | For Will Graham

For Will Graham

[Bucky still wasn't entirely sure how it happened.

The two of them had become closer over the months in Quarantine, something about Will's way of approaching a problem from a different angle and always understanding when Bucky needed to flee had helped Bucky feel more and more comfortable with him. Somehow they had developed a friendship, and that's all it was supposed to be for either of them.

Then there was a night, a confusing night with alcohol on Will's part and terrible dreams on Bucky's, and somehow they had ended up in an embrace much more intimate than mere friendship. What they had now would be hard to define, but it was definitely something more, something that had grown into the occasional kiss and a mutual but unspoken understanding of deeper feelings.

It's late at night when Bucky shows up as he always does, unannounced and at random through a window, perching on the windowsill to look in.]

Anyone home?

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[ Though probably the more readily demonstrative of the pair, Will was still cautious and usually let James set the tone when it came to physical contact. Just because one night the man might wish for the kissing and heavy petting they indulged in, the next night something may have happened that brought James' barriers back up.

So Will took each night as it came and assumed nothing from his friend. ]

Was it a high caliber from a distance, or something small up close?

[ He asked, pulling on gloves before he reached and began to explore the area with his fingers. Will's touch was gentle, though he knew more about GSW than one might expect from a 'teacher'. The examination was interspersed with softer touches, touches that were as much for Will as for James.

Tactile reassurance that James had had worse and tonight, though bloodied, was relatively intact. ]

You're lucky whoever was on the other end of that gun is a spectacularly bad shot. But it's going to sting when I get in there to remove it.

[At least Will understands enough not to ask about who did the shooting, because Bucky has no intention of volunteering that information. It's not like he didn't deserve to get shot from time to time, after all.

There's some slight burns around the wound suggesting that the shooter was fairly close, but not right next to him. Bucky shrugs.]

Few feet away, does it matter? A bullet is a bullet.

[Of course he knows it matters, he knows better than most people what sort of damage different weapons do, but he's downplaying it.]

Having been shot with both, I'll have to disagree with you there. [ Will said in a wry tone.

He understood he was being deflected away and if James went silent on the subject, he would change topics. Respect for the sharp edges. ]

[Closer inspection would show it to be a standard handgun wound from up close.]

Is there anything you're not an expert in?

[Half dry and half mildly irritated.]

[ At the tone of the other man's voice, Will drew back and offered Bucky an amused quirk of his lips. ]

Being sociable?

And I've been told that my cooking skills are rudimentary, at best.

[ Otherwise, he could only offer a small shrug as he began to rummage around in the medical kit for what he'd need to extract the bullet and clean the wound. ]

Though I'm not sure a claim to being an expert in getting shot is something I'd put on my resume.

[He snorts and then regrets it when that sends a spike of pain through his abdomen, making him wince.]

You're an expert at being sociable compared to me, Will.

[So-- there's that.]

You could mark it down as a familiarity with bullets and the wounds they create.

That's not a very high bar. [ Will pointed out, not unkindly. He offered James a moment to catch his breath, with one steadying hand on his ribcage and the other on his shoulder.

The position required him to hunker down on his heels in front of the man. ]

That is part of my job description. [ He pointed out in a wry tone, realizing he had probably just proved James' point for him. Will just shook his head at himself and began to look for a small vial of lidocaine in the kit. ]

Perhaps we should just agree that we've both got a wide and eclectic range of experience and expertise that most people wouldn't want to lay claim too?

[Bucky watches Will crouch in front of him and any other teasing words die on his lips, leaving him just staring with slightly afraid eyes down at the other man.]

Listen.

[Why is his throat suddenly dry.]

...I'm not good at being worked on like this, medically. If I freak out, you have to run away from me.

[ Will isn't going to insult either of them by trying to convince James that he'd never hurt him. They both understand that this isn't something that comes from a conscious place for the other man.

Instead, he exhaled a slow breath and moved his hand from the other man's shoulder to the side of his face. ]

James, if I run it's just as likely to trigger your instinct to chase down and kill. [ Let's not delude ourselves into thinking that there hadn't be targets who had tried to run,

And failed. ]

We're better off trying to anchor your mind to here and now, preferably with a focus on a good memory. Something from your past, before the war?

[This is one of the reasons that he's come to care so deeply for Will and trust him more than most people, because he understands. He doesn't deny that Bucky might hurt him or protest that it would be his choice, he just tries to find a compromise that won't end in either of them finishing this night with regret.

Just for how grateful he is, he leans forwards suddenly and presses a slightly sweeter kiss to his lips, breath heated against his cheek when he pulls back.]

I don't know that would work, but thank you.

[His good memories are much weaker than his bad ones.]

Do you have restraints?

[ The light press of lips against his own still came as a surprise, despite the number of times they'd shared kisses, between that first one and now. He returned the soft pressure, blushing slightly when James drew back, and brushing his thumb across the broad flare of James' cheekbones. ]

I try to put restraints on you and this is going to be over before it even begins. [ Will commented, his hand sliding down along the strong column of the other man's throat, before coming to rest on his shoulder once again. ]

If you do this yourself, do you think it will be alright if I'm here and help hand you what you need?

[ It wasn't the neat and tidy solution to the situation, but Will respected the fact that James probably had dug bullets out of his flesh and stitched himself up, more times than either of them wanted to think about. ]

[Instead of shying from that touch as he had in the past, or he would with anyone else, he tilts ever so slightly into it. It's a comfort now, it's what he needs to ground him in this situation.]

No, it's at the wrong sort of angle, I can't twist that way.

[He'll just end up doing more internal damage if he tries to get the bullet out himself, he could have done it if it had hit him lower down.]

But maybe I could restrain myself if you have any.

Is that a viable solution? [ Will asked, the question a legitimate one, all too aware that James and restraints were not words that worked well in the same sentence. ]

If you can, then I can probably manage this fairly quickly and before you lose more blood.

[ Because it had not escaped Will's attention that while they sat here debating the merits of restraints, James was still bleeding. ]

I don't know.

[The least Will deserves is the truth in this sort of situation, that there is no guarantee and no easy way to make sure they both stay unscathed.]

But I don't see a better solution, do you?

Well, we could sit here and dither about it until you pass out from blood loss or shock but I'd like to avoid that.

[ Will said in a matter of fact voice. He moved to gracefully straighten, bending down to press a kiss to the top of James' head before he began to pack up the kit so he could move it in the bedroom. ]

I have a couple of ties that can be sacrificed, and we're just going to ignore the implication of you, restraints and my bed for now.

[There's just the tiniest hesitation which Will would probably easily read correctly as Bucky wondering if it would be easier and better if they just waited until he passed out, it might be worth the risk.

But then he follows Will through into the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed.]

You don't have any handcuffs? You work for the perimeter guard.

[ He's not listening to your silence, Barnes!

In fact, Will was very deliberately focusing on moving around the bedroom, stripping the already tossed sheets down the bed as he fixed the bottom sheet and then began to lay down towels.

Pausing briefly, he sighed softly and turned to look at James. ]

Can you tell me that metal handcuffs wouldn't make the association worse?

[ It was ... at it's heart a legitimate question. The cuffs would probably be easier for James to place on himself, and less likely to fail if the Soldier came to the fore, but still ... ]

I was never handcuffed.

[His restraints were far more elaborate and all-encompassing, taking his entire body to rigid compliance rather than just binding his wrists.]

Ties might as well be nothing, they'd never hold me if they had to.

[What's the point if they're not going to keep him down?]

[ Quite honestly, having witnessed a few glimpses of the Soldier, Will wasn't entirely certain that the bed would hold up against James, if the Soldier decided he wanted loose.

But it was probably best to attempt to be as secure as possible from the outset. ]

Alright. Get yourself comfortable and I'll go get them.

[ He honestly did not keep his handcuffs in the bedroom. Though he did pause by the bedside table and reached into the drawer to remove the Sig Sauer. For a moment he considered the handgun, before expertly ejecting the magazine and the one he had in the chamber.

Tossing the gun just under the bed, he would carry the ammunition off to squirrel away somewhere else, while retrieving the cuffs. ]

[All of these are sensible ideas, and Bucky appreciates greatly that Will takes it seriously that he can become a threat. Too many of the people who call him a friend seem to forget that this is a legitimate issue, they believe that he'll never actually hurt them if it comes to it.

They're wrong. He'd slaughter each one of them without a second thought if the wrong thing got triggered in his head.

He gets himself as comfortable as he can on the bed, which means sat up against the headboard with good eyeline to the door and window, for what good that will do him.]

[ With the bullets stashed away -and won't that be a fun little treasure hunt later- Will collected the cuffs he'd been supplied as a member of the Guard and headed back towards the bedroom. He paused a few feet shy of the door and made himself take a breath, breathing out slowly through his nose as he worked to center his own ricocheting thoughts.

His imagination was making it all too clear to his conscious mind the risk of this endeavor. Will could trace the damage the Soldier could wrought, run through various scenarios of how he could end up dead and the horror that would leave on James' face when he came back to himself and realized what had happened.

Shaking off the waking hallucination, he forced himself to step into the bedroom, though he was looking down at the cuffs. ]

These won't stop the Soldier if he's roused by this. [ He said, with a soft spoken finality, his eyes lifting to Barnes' face. ] They won't even slow the Soldier down enough for me to react.

[He hates this. This is why he can't just live among other people yet, because one of the people he cares about most has to restrain him just to help him, and even that might not be enough.]

...I know.

[He wishes that he didn't.]

It might be better to let me bleed until I pass out and do it then, at least I can't hurt you if I'm out cold.

[ Will just gave James a flat look.

Bleed out until unconsciousness, wasn't happening. He was willing to take reasonable precautions, but that was a step too far. Will wasn't going to sit here and watch this man he cared about court the dangers of shock and blood loss.

That was not something he could do. ]

Do you want your hands behind your back or secured to the bed frame?

[He didn't expect Will to go for it, but he had to make the suggestion in the interest of safety. He's not going to fight for it, he'll trust Will to know what he's doing here.]

Secured to the bed frame might give you longer if things go wrong.

[It's an added layer of material to break through, after all.]

I think we both know this is an illusion at best. [ Will said in a calm voice, but he motioned for Bucky to position himself, both so that Will could reach the wound but also to where he wanted his arm secured. ]

I still believe we might be best served to distract you. [ Will glanced up and a quick, warm and genuine smile touched his often tense features. ] I could discuss how I like my blow jobs? I expect that ... probably isn't part of the Soldier's memories?

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