advanced | For Will Graham

For Will Graham

[Bucky still wasn't entirely sure how it happened.

The two of them had become closer over the months in Quarantine, something about Will's way of approaching a problem from a different angle and always understanding when Bucky needed to flee had helped Bucky feel more and more comfortable with him. Somehow they had developed a friendship, and that's all it was supposed to be for either of them.

Then there was a night, a confusing night with alcohol on Will's part and terrible dreams on Bucky's, and somehow they had ended up in an embrace much more intimate than mere friendship. What they had now would be hard to define, but it was definitely something more, something that had grown into the occasional kiss and a mutual but unspoken understanding of deeper feelings.

It's late at night when Bucky shows up as he always does, unannounced and at random through a window, perching on the windowsill to look in.]

Anyone home?

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[Bucky watches Will crouch in front of him and any other teasing words die on his lips, leaving him just staring with slightly afraid eyes down at the other man.]

Listen.

[Why is his throat suddenly dry.]

...I'm not good at being worked on like this, medically. If I freak out, you have to run away from me.

[ Will isn't going to insult either of them by trying to convince James that he'd never hurt him. They both understand that this isn't something that comes from a conscious place for the other man.

Instead, he exhaled a slow breath and moved his hand from the other man's shoulder to the side of his face. ]

James, if I run it's just as likely to trigger your instinct to chase down and kill. [ Let's not delude ourselves into thinking that there hadn't be targets who had tried to run,

And failed. ]

We're better off trying to anchor your mind to here and now, preferably with a focus on a good memory. Something from your past, before the war?

[This is one of the reasons that he's come to care so deeply for Will and trust him more than most people, because he understands. He doesn't deny that Bucky might hurt him or protest that it would be his choice, he just tries to find a compromise that won't end in either of them finishing this night with regret.

Just for how grateful he is, he leans forwards suddenly and presses a slightly sweeter kiss to his lips, breath heated against his cheek when he pulls back.]

I don't know that would work, but thank you.

[His good memories are much weaker than his bad ones.]

Do you have restraints?

[ The light press of lips against his own still came as a surprise, despite the number of times they'd shared kisses, between that first one and now. He returned the soft pressure, blushing slightly when James drew back, and brushing his thumb across the broad flare of James' cheekbones. ]

I try to put restraints on you and this is going to be over before it even begins. [ Will commented, his hand sliding down along the strong column of the other man's throat, before coming to rest on his shoulder once again. ]

If you do this yourself, do you think it will be alright if I'm here and help hand you what you need?

[ It wasn't the neat and tidy solution to the situation, but Will respected the fact that James probably had dug bullets out of his flesh and stitched himself up, more times than either of them wanted to think about. ]

[Instead of shying from that touch as he had in the past, or he would with anyone else, he tilts ever so slightly into it. It's a comfort now, it's what he needs to ground him in this situation.]

No, it's at the wrong sort of angle, I can't twist that way.

[He'll just end up doing more internal damage if he tries to get the bullet out himself, he could have done it if it had hit him lower down.]

But maybe I could restrain myself if you have any.

Is that a viable solution? [ Will asked, the question a legitimate one, all too aware that James and restraints were not words that worked well in the same sentence. ]

If you can, then I can probably manage this fairly quickly and before you lose more blood.

[ Because it had not escaped Will's attention that while they sat here debating the merits of restraints, James was still bleeding. ]

I don't know.

[The least Will deserves is the truth in this sort of situation, that there is no guarantee and no easy way to make sure they both stay unscathed.]

But I don't see a better solution, do you?

Well, we could sit here and dither about it until you pass out from blood loss or shock but I'd like to avoid that.

[ Will said in a matter of fact voice. He moved to gracefully straighten, bending down to press a kiss to the top of James' head before he began to pack up the kit so he could move it in the bedroom. ]

I have a couple of ties that can be sacrificed, and we're just going to ignore the implication of you, restraints and my bed for now.

[There's just the tiniest hesitation which Will would probably easily read correctly as Bucky wondering if it would be easier and better if they just waited until he passed out, it might be worth the risk.

But then he follows Will through into the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed.]

You don't have any handcuffs? You work for the perimeter guard.

[ He's not listening to your silence, Barnes!

In fact, Will was very deliberately focusing on moving around the bedroom, stripping the already tossed sheets down the bed as he fixed the bottom sheet and then began to lay down towels.

Pausing briefly, he sighed softly and turned to look at James. ]

Can you tell me that metal handcuffs wouldn't make the association worse?

[ It was ... at it's heart a legitimate question. The cuffs would probably be easier for James to place on himself, and less likely to fail if the Soldier came to the fore, but still ... ]

I was never handcuffed.

[His restraints were far more elaborate and all-encompassing, taking his entire body to rigid compliance rather than just binding his wrists.]

Ties might as well be nothing, they'd never hold me if they had to.

[What's the point if they're not going to keep him down?]

[ Quite honestly, having witnessed a few glimpses of the Soldier, Will wasn't entirely certain that the bed would hold up against James, if the Soldier decided he wanted loose.

But it was probably best to attempt to be as secure as possible from the outset. ]

Alright. Get yourself comfortable and I'll go get them.

[ He honestly did not keep his handcuffs in the bedroom. Though he did pause by the bedside table and reached into the drawer to remove the Sig Sauer. For a moment he considered the handgun, before expertly ejecting the magazine and the one he had in the chamber.

Tossing the gun just under the bed, he would carry the ammunition off to squirrel away somewhere else, while retrieving the cuffs. ]

[All of these are sensible ideas, and Bucky appreciates greatly that Will takes it seriously that he can become a threat. Too many of the people who call him a friend seem to forget that this is a legitimate issue, they believe that he'll never actually hurt them if it comes to it.

They're wrong. He'd slaughter each one of them without a second thought if the wrong thing got triggered in his head.

He gets himself as comfortable as he can on the bed, which means sat up against the headboard with good eyeline to the door and window, for what good that will do him.]

[ With the bullets stashed away -and won't that be a fun little treasure hunt later- Will collected the cuffs he'd been supplied as a member of the Guard and headed back towards the bedroom. He paused a few feet shy of the door and made himself take a breath, breathing out slowly through his nose as he worked to center his own ricocheting thoughts.

His imagination was making it all too clear to his conscious mind the risk of this endeavor. Will could trace the damage the Soldier could wrought, run through various scenarios of how he could end up dead and the horror that would leave on James' face when he came back to himself and realized what had happened.

Shaking off the waking hallucination, he forced himself to step into the bedroom, though he was looking down at the cuffs. ]

These won't stop the Soldier if he's roused by this. [ He said, with a soft spoken finality, his eyes lifting to Barnes' face. ] They won't even slow the Soldier down enough for me to react.

[He hates this. This is why he can't just live among other people yet, because one of the people he cares about most has to restrain him just to help him, and even that might not be enough.]

...I know.

[He wishes that he didn't.]

It might be better to let me bleed until I pass out and do it then, at least I can't hurt you if I'm out cold.

[ Will just gave James a flat look.

Bleed out until unconsciousness, wasn't happening. He was willing to take reasonable precautions, but that was a step too far. Will wasn't going to sit here and watch this man he cared about court the dangers of shock and blood loss.

That was not something he could do. ]

Do you want your hands behind your back or secured to the bed frame?

[He didn't expect Will to go for it, but he had to make the suggestion in the interest of safety. He's not going to fight for it, he'll trust Will to know what he's doing here.]

Secured to the bed frame might give you longer if things go wrong.

[It's an added layer of material to break through, after all.]

I think we both know this is an illusion at best. [ Will said in a calm voice, but he motioned for Bucky to position himself, both so that Will could reach the wound but also to where he wanted his arm secured. ]

I still believe we might be best served to distract you. [ Will glanced up and a quick, warm and genuine smile touched his often tense features. ] I could discuss how I like my blow jobs? I expect that ... probably isn't part of the Soldier's memories?

[Well that... definitely has the added advantage of being distracting, and Will will be treated to the unusual sight of naked surprise on Bucky's face, and even the slightest flush to his cheeks.]

No, no, that's definitely not in there.

[Wow.]

Uh-- not even sure what to say to that.

[ That blush was adorable!

Will's smile grew, though it was a gentle thing; he certainly was NOT laughing at James, but rather coaxing him to relax into the absurdity of the situation. Even as his hands reached and his fingers stroked soothingly along the forearm of the arm he was going to cuff to the bed frame. ]

I assumed as much. I mean obviously my personal preferences wouldn't be, since I wasn't born at the time, but in more general terms. Like ... oh, teeth vs no teeth. [ As he spoke, the cuff moved in a matter of fact motion, first around the bed frame and then to James' wrist. ]

There are actually men who like a bit of teeth, just a hint to help heighten the pleasurable offset of tongue.

[ Click, click ... secured. ]

You can use teeth doing... that sort of thing?

[Bucky has never actually engaged in anything like that. He'd kissed a few girls, more than a few, and took them dancing, but... he'd never been a bad guy. His Ma had raised him in a good Christian household and back then it just wasn't done to go all the way with anyone before marriage.

Then he shipped out, and after that there really hadn't been much chance for sex. Now it was a whole new world, and one fella could talk to another about sucking his junk without it being a crime.]

So, uh, you gonna tell me which of those two types of guys you are?

[His arm is tense against the cuff, but he's able to not actively resist thanks to the absurd conversation.]

[ From the minute he closed the cuffs around James' arm, Will started a mental countdown in his head. It was based off an assumption of how much time they had before running the risk of the Soldier appearing, but it was better than assuming James would be okay like this indefinitely.

Will worked with a calm efficiency that suggested he had some experience with wounds. Granted, he was used to receiving them, rather than repairing them, but he'd seen the process performed often enough.

Okay performed by Hannibal but aside from the man's murderous leanings and specialized diet, Hannibal was a skilled doctor. ]

Does it have to be one or the other? [ Will returned the question, with a cheeky arch of his eyebrow before he turned his full attention to where he was starting to clean and prep James' abdomen for the bullet extraction. The antiseptic probably didn't feel so good. ]

It's like those candy bars. Some nights you feel like a bit o' rough and other nights you don't.

[As soon as the antiseptic goes on something changes, his entire body goes still like the calm before the storm and his eyes shutter. He swallows hard, only just holding onto the vestiges of who he is, words measured and even.]

You been with a lot of guys to know that about yourself?

[He doesn't care about the answer. Truthfully, he doesn't even realise that he's spoken the question, just trying to focus on the fact that this is Will and he really doesn't want to hurt Will.]

[ And Will would appreciate not being hurt!

Which is why he continues to focus on what he's doing, firmly setting aside that this is James' body he's digging around in, looking for a bullet. ]

While I would love to regale you with tales of my exceptional sexual prowess, the truth is depressingly minimal.

[ Luckily the bullet was relatively shallow and responded cooperatively to the clamp of the forceps. ]

Sex has always been disappointing for me in terms of personal satisfaction. It's difficult to find people I even want that close, physically speaking and then most of the time I end up in my partner's head and thus focused on what I'm doing for them.

And the last time I had sex, it was a woman who actually ended up marrying another woman I liked. The uh ... purpose of our tryst was basically sperm donation.

[ Yes, he's still a little sore with Margot about that whole debacle.

Oh and look, there was a soft tink as the bullet was dropped into the trash can Will had pulled in close. ]

[The world really has changed since he was a kid. It's not a bad thing, there is good everywhere when it means people have more choice in what to do with their lives, but it's so weird to him.]

Less minimal than me. I haven't ever--

[He cuts off with a grunt as the forceps pull out the bullet, the sudden tug on his flesh a sharp sting that washes through him like a wave. It's strong, the riptide pulling at him to give in and go under, to not feel, to do what he's been trained to do.

But he resists.

God help him, he actually manages to resist, and that's a big deal to him, especially considering this is Will by his side.]

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