advanced | For Will Graham

For Will Graham

[Bucky still wasn't entirely sure how it happened.

The two of them had become closer over the months in Quarantine, something about Will's way of approaching a problem from a different angle and always understanding when Bucky needed to flee had helped Bucky feel more and more comfortable with him. Somehow they had developed a friendship, and that's all it was supposed to be for either of them.

Then there was a night, a confusing night with alcohol on Will's part and terrible dreams on Bucky's, and somehow they had ended up in an embrace much more intimate than mere friendship. What they had now would be hard to define, but it was definitely something more, something that had grown into the occasional kiss and a mutual but unspoken understanding of deeper feelings.

It's late at night when Bucky shows up as he always does, unannounced and at random through a window, perching on the windowsill to look in.]

Anyone home?

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[He hates this. This is why he can't just live among other people yet, because one of the people he cares about most has to restrain him just to help him, and even that might not be enough.]

...I know.

[He wishes that he didn't.]

It might be better to let me bleed until I pass out and do it then, at least I can't hurt you if I'm out cold.

[ Will just gave James a flat look.

Bleed out until unconsciousness, wasn't happening. He was willing to take reasonable precautions, but that was a step too far. Will wasn't going to sit here and watch this man he cared about court the dangers of shock and blood loss.

That was not something he could do. ]

Do you want your hands behind your back or secured to the bed frame?

[He didn't expect Will to go for it, but he had to make the suggestion in the interest of safety. He's not going to fight for it, he'll trust Will to know what he's doing here.]

Secured to the bed frame might give you longer if things go wrong.

[It's an added layer of material to break through, after all.]

I think we both know this is an illusion at best. [ Will said in a calm voice, but he motioned for Bucky to position himself, both so that Will could reach the wound but also to where he wanted his arm secured. ]

I still believe we might be best served to distract you. [ Will glanced up and a quick, warm and genuine smile touched his often tense features. ] I could discuss how I like my blow jobs? I expect that ... probably isn't part of the Soldier's memories?

[Well that... definitely has the added advantage of being distracting, and Will will be treated to the unusual sight of naked surprise on Bucky's face, and even the slightest flush to his cheeks.]

No, no, that's definitely not in there.

[Wow.]

Uh-- not even sure what to say to that.

[ That blush was adorable!

Will's smile grew, though it was a gentle thing; he certainly was NOT laughing at James, but rather coaxing him to relax into the absurdity of the situation. Even as his hands reached and his fingers stroked soothingly along the forearm of the arm he was going to cuff to the bed frame. ]

I assumed as much. I mean obviously my personal preferences wouldn't be, since I wasn't born at the time, but in more general terms. Like ... oh, teeth vs no teeth. [ As he spoke, the cuff moved in a matter of fact motion, first around the bed frame and then to James' wrist. ]

There are actually men who like a bit of teeth, just a hint to help heighten the pleasurable offset of tongue.

[ Click, click ... secured. ]

You can use teeth doing... that sort of thing?

[Bucky has never actually engaged in anything like that. He'd kissed a few girls, more than a few, and took them dancing, but... he'd never been a bad guy. His Ma had raised him in a good Christian household and back then it just wasn't done to go all the way with anyone before marriage.

Then he shipped out, and after that there really hadn't been much chance for sex. Now it was a whole new world, and one fella could talk to another about sucking his junk without it being a crime.]

So, uh, you gonna tell me which of those two types of guys you are?

[His arm is tense against the cuff, but he's able to not actively resist thanks to the absurd conversation.]

[ From the minute he closed the cuffs around James' arm, Will started a mental countdown in his head. It was based off an assumption of how much time they had before running the risk of the Soldier appearing, but it was better than assuming James would be okay like this indefinitely.

Will worked with a calm efficiency that suggested he had some experience with wounds. Granted, he was used to receiving them, rather than repairing them, but he'd seen the process performed often enough.

Okay performed by Hannibal but aside from the man's murderous leanings and specialized diet, Hannibal was a skilled doctor. ]

Does it have to be one or the other? [ Will returned the question, with a cheeky arch of his eyebrow before he turned his full attention to where he was starting to clean and prep James' abdomen for the bullet extraction. The antiseptic probably didn't feel so good. ]

It's like those candy bars. Some nights you feel like a bit o' rough and other nights you don't.

[As soon as the antiseptic goes on something changes, his entire body goes still like the calm before the storm and his eyes shutter. He swallows hard, only just holding onto the vestiges of who he is, words measured and even.]

You been with a lot of guys to know that about yourself?

[He doesn't care about the answer. Truthfully, he doesn't even realise that he's spoken the question, just trying to focus on the fact that this is Will and he really doesn't want to hurt Will.]

[ And Will would appreciate not being hurt!

Which is why he continues to focus on what he's doing, firmly setting aside that this is James' body he's digging around in, looking for a bullet. ]

While I would love to regale you with tales of my exceptional sexual prowess, the truth is depressingly minimal.

[ Luckily the bullet was relatively shallow and responded cooperatively to the clamp of the forceps. ]

Sex has always been disappointing for me in terms of personal satisfaction. It's difficult to find people I even want that close, physically speaking and then most of the time I end up in my partner's head and thus focused on what I'm doing for them.

And the last time I had sex, it was a woman who actually ended up marrying another woman I liked. The uh ... purpose of our tryst was basically sperm donation.

[ Yes, he's still a little sore with Margot about that whole debacle.

Oh and look, there was a soft tink as the bullet was dropped into the trash can Will had pulled in close. ]

[The world really has changed since he was a kid. It's not a bad thing, there is good everywhere when it means people have more choice in what to do with their lives, but it's so weird to him.]

Less minimal than me. I haven't ever--

[He cuts off with a grunt as the forceps pull out the bullet, the sudden tug on his flesh a sharp sting that washes through him like a wave. It's strong, the riptide pulling at him to give in and go under, to not feel, to do what he's been trained to do.

But he resists.

God help him, he actually manages to resist, and that's a big deal to him, especially considering this is Will by his side.]

[ Will paused.

Not long, he had no desire to draw any of this out, but long enough to watch James from under his lashes and also to give the man a minute to work through it. He kept talking though, lips curling at the edges. ]

Not even a mutual handjob while out in the field?

[ He understood that James came from a different time. Will also knew that soldiers often shared stress relief and with little more involved than the benefit of scratching a mutual itch. ]

No.

[The reply is curt and snapped out, as he tugs to try and get free now that it's done. It doesn't matter that he asked to be restrained, it's becoming less and less something that he's okay with.]

Get them off. Will, get me out of these.

[Or he will pull his own way out of them.]

[ Will didn't need to be told twice and he didn't continue to try and speak. His focus and attention going, instead, to getting the key in the lock and the cuff released.

Amazing how annoyingly small that key hole becomes when you're in a hurry. There was probably more fumbling than Will would have liked, but eventually James would feel the cuff come loose and then release entirely. ]

[Every fumble seems to take an eternity, but then all of a sudden he's free and he's catapulting off the bed with every ounce of speed available to him, uncaring of the tugging at his wound.]

I should-- I need to go.

[That's a bad idea. It's Will that grounds him, Will or Steve, and the latter isn't here.]

[ It has taken some time, some definitely trial and error -with mixed results- but Will has learned that leaving is the last thing James should do. Even though that is the only thought in the other man's mind at the moment.

Reaching up, slowly in a way that hasn't yet triggered the Soldier, Will moved to set his palm gently against James' sternum; right above his heart. It was a light touch, one that could be easily moved away from -he knew better than to grab- but was physical contact all the same.

Will also remained in his crouch by the bed, keeping his head lower than his friend's. It was a deliberately non-threatening posture and like the touch, designed so that James could move away from it at any time. ]

James. [ The name was uttered in that soft, coaxing tone. ] You need to stay here. You've lost a lot of blood, you still need to clean the wound and you know ... you know this is a safe place for you to be.

[Bucky's entire body is tense underneath Will's hand, like a dog backed into a corner and considering whether to bite out or whether that hand is one that actually means well.

He hates that he gets like this, that he knows if he stays then there's a chance that he could hurt Will, and if he goes then there's an even higher chance that he'll end up hurting someone else if he doesn't get out of the city in time.]

Shit.

[Just... shit.]

You should make me go and not look back, this isn't right.

I'm an adult, James. [ Will said, his words firm but not combative. ] And I can make my own decisions about what I feel is right, or not right.

[ These situations were always a delicate balance, where part of Will wanted to point out that interacting with dangerous personalities was something he was drawn too. His body bore the scars of the trail of his empathy.

But he was careful never to turn the lens in that direction. These instances, and moving through them -whether it was a step forward or two steps back- were about James. And Will was focused on helping his friend. ]

You're here because I want you here and because, I hope, you want to be here.

You're a goddamn idiot, is what you are.

[It bursts out of him and he takes a very deliberate step back towards the window, even though he obviously doesn't actually want to leave.]

You've told me yourself, and I've seen it, you're drawn to dangerous people. You're gonna let me destroy you one of these days.

[ There was a tense moment, where Will looked less than pleased at being called an idiot. But after a breath, the tension left his body and he gave a sad sort of chuckle. ]

You wouldn't be the first to accuse me of such, and worse.

[ There was a reason why Will was just as anti-social as James, and there was a part of him that was resigned to the fact that his life was one that was meant to be lived alone. Maybe it wasn't Will who needed to run far away, but rather James.

Turning to start cleaning up the mess around the bed and ... yeah need to strip those sheets -a couple of blood drops had stained them- Will took his gaze off James, deliberately removing that source of pressure. ]

You wouldn't be the first person who has tried to destroy me, so far I've weathered the storms. At least you can have the comfort of knowing that I do this with my eyes wide open, rather than through some misguided arrogance of invulnerability.

[Will was sensible. Steve, in these situations, tended to spout nonsense like Bucky could never hurt him, or he trusted him, or other such idiotic but comforting things. Will understood that the threat was real and didn't undermine it, it made it easier to spend time around him.]

But unlike the other people who tried to destroy you, I don't want to.

[The admission is low and careful.]

Destroying you would destroy me too.

[ James had a fair point there and after a beat, Will conceded it with a small duck of his head.

He had the bed stripped down and he bundled the sheets into a ball, which he deposited over by the doorway before turning and walking back towards the other man. Once again, Will was cautious in how close he came, but he also -quite deliberately- placed himself within reach. ]

What's the answer then? [ He asked, his tone genuinely curious. ] Put me in the china cupboard and leave me to collect dust? Sounds like a lonely existence, both for you and for me.

[He knows what the right answer is. He should walk away, he should make sure that he doesn't send them both down a destructive path, but that's not fair. He doesn't want to walk away, he doesn't want to spend his whole life in isolation, he should be able to find a way to be safe to the people he loves and free.

There's a frozen moment, before he just takes a step forwards and winds his arms around Will. He's always deliberately careful to keep his grip loose, always overly aware of his own strength.]

I hate you sometimes, you know that?

[It's not said with any bite at all, more fondness than anything.]

[ Will was well aware that this moment could go either way. James had walked away from him countless other times and the ex-profiler didn't fool himself into believing that if his friend really intended to walk away, he wouldn't be out that window in a blink.

It was one of the risks of ... this ... whatever it was growing between them. That one day James was going to set his mind to running and he'd be gone before Will could blink. But with risk came reward and as his friend gathered him close, Will went willingly into the embrace.

He was gently amused at how careful James was, though Will was in no way shy in the wrap of his own arms in return. Firm, perhaps surprisingly strong given his small frame, he didn't cling but he did make sure his friend could feel the welcome and want (not sexual, just yet, rather I like hugging you) in his own hold.

If James really stopped to think about how Will discreetly went out of his way to avoid even the most casual of contact from strangers, then hopefully this hug would carry even more weight.

Laying his head against James' shoulder, Will chuckled at the words. ]

I get that alot.

[Perhaps it's because Will is so tentative about these sorts of relationships too that makes this one work, because Bucky is equally floored by the weight of what's being given in return. He knows how long it took for either of them to become comfortable with just the lightest touch, and now they were embracing.

He snorts lightly, leaving his flesh arm around Will while letting his other drop to his side.]

Then maybe you shouldn't be such a stubborn punk, huh?

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