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[Manabu stares at him, genuinely perplexed.]

Okay, but...I'm not doing that to like get one-up on you, or demand it in return. [it's just what he do!

quickly, holding up both hands, getting redder:] N-not to say I don't appreciate the help! It's a lot nicer than you being a bastard, just! [do not hit him.] Just don't look at it like some kinda transaction, okay? It's fine!

I wasn't.

[Don't make this even weirder than it already is, jerk. His voice drops a bit, half embarrassed and half sad.]

I don't have a lot of people that-- I don't want to see the few that I do get hurt.

I, I-I get it, I get it! [he waves his hands a bit, embarrassed for him and guilty for himself. he clears his throat, ducking his head briefly.] As much as I can, I get it, okay?

[as much as he can. damn, it's not like he needs to really know a person to be willing to take a bullet for them, but Manabu's only known James for a handful of hours and already he's worried more about his wellbeing than most anyone else's so far!]

Sorry. I'm not going out of my way to be a hassle [press x to doubt], I'm just...trying to do the right thing.

[while also trying to outrun the feelings of futility that want to grab at his ankles and drag him down. as one does.]

Can't do the right thing if you're wandering around some back street because you don't know where you are.

[It's a strange mix of gentle and brusque, and it's fairly evident that he's not going to back down on this. The last time they had seen each other had not ended well, and Bucky knows that he has a lot to atone for even here, the least he can do to add some balance is try to help if he can.]

C'mon, I don't want to have to drag you home.

...

[he's not wrong. it's just...not ideal. Manabu huffs through his nose, bobbing his head in a reluctant nod.]

Right. Yeah, just--gimme a second. [he rifles through his pockets, looking for his map.] Gotta get my bearings, so I know which way to go.

I know where you live, idiot.

[At least Manabu isn't fighting him on this any more.]

I've been there, remember?

[a shade defensive:] I-I remember that! Jeez... [fine, forget the map. he'll gesture ahead of them.] Let's go, then. Before anything else can fall, or...

[He sets out in the right direction without hesitation, though he does keep glancing up at the sky to make sure nothing is going to rain down on them, and sideways at Manabu as if he's making sure the other man isn't about to collapse on him.]

I'm sorry.

[It's abrupt, apropos of nothing.]

For what happened the last time we saw each other. And for lying about saying I'd come around.

[that gets a weak, grim laugh. Manabu's gaze is askance, watching townsfolk on their way, only briefly glancing upward or elsewhere depending on the noises around them.]

You know, you could've lied and said...you were busy or something. Not that you weren't going to show up at all. Heh.

I wasn't planning to see you again, so I didn't think I'd need a lie like that.

[But he couldn't exactly just leave Manabu confused in the street, so here he is, already backing down on his resolution to keep away.]

I see...

[ha. jeez. it was that bad, huh? Manabu exhales, trying to breathe out some unpleasantness creeping under his skin.]

So that's it for the investigations? What're you going to wind up doing instead?

[Wait...]

You really thought we were gonna keep investigating things together? After what I did?

[He freaked the hell out and punched Manabu, he might very well have done some real damage if the other man hadn't stepped out of the way when he did. This is not the actions of a man anyone would want guarding their back.]

Eh? What do you mean? You saved my life! If you hadn't been there, I'd be... [he need not spell that out -- they were both there.

but...that's not what he means. Manabu knows. he exhales heavily, stuffing his hands in his pockets while they walk.]

The rest is...tricky. And partly my fault, just for not knowing. Not that I would, but things aren't fair here, so I'm not going to act like I would've known better.

I didn't realize how bad off you were.

[He bristles a little when Manabu refers to him as bad off, like he's somehow pitiable. And the other man gets one hell of a glare levelled at him after he's done.]

It wasn't your fault.

[Not even partly.]

You were trying to help me, and I hit you. You're lucky I didn't have a weapon in my hand, because I would've used it. That ain't your fault. At all.

[Manabu does a double-take at that glare, blinking owlishly, frowning as James goes on about it.

he doesn't refute it. instead:] Does it happen often? When you kind of...drift away like that. It's because of people who messed with you?

[There are definitely times when he gets lost inside his own head, in the things that happened in the past. But he doesn't want to admit that, it makes him sounds crazy.]

No.

[That's absolutely a lie. Maybe this particular instance hadn't got anything to do with HYDRA, but it all stems back to them in the end. He nearly doesn't say any more, but eventually he drags an explanation out. Manabu has earned that much, at least.]

It was the tapes. The information tapes that I have. I was going to lend them to you, and it made me think of where I got them from. [He swallows, eyes darkening.] I killed the man who gave them to me the day before we saw each other.

[Manabu doesn't answer right away, letting that explanation sink in -- a bit too much for comfort, really, but what about this place is comfortable? he swallows against a dry throat, trying to reframe the day with this information in mind. James...did look like a kind of hell when he arrived, but then, he never looked particularly good in general.

...no offense, James.

but with this in mind, it...hm.]

...Why? [did he try to hurt him? set something off?]

[This would be the point in the conversation where he'd usually run away, or shut down the questions, or possibly even punch Manabu again before leaving.

He very nearly does at least the second one.

But he sees in his mind's eye Manabu being kind to him on every occasion they've met, the flashes of surprising compassion when they were caught in memories, the way he didn't judge when he ought to. He's done nothing but try and help - both the town in general, and Bucky as a person. Even when he's been ignored, insulted, and outright attacked, he's still here asking why.

The scales tip in his favour, and Bucky's jaw sets, resolute.]

Not here.

[It's not a refusal. But he still doesn't want to discuss these things out in the open where anyone could hear.]

[Manabu looks surprised at not being shut down or snapped at.

...or smacked, honestly.

but hell, he'll take it! his face is still bruised, ok.]

Got it.

[and he leaves it at that, focusing on keeping up with James' brisk pace as they hurry out of the more open-air parts of the trek back up to Shepherd Street, where the abandoned fire house punctuates part of the horizon.

Manabu hops up the porch steps, already fishing they key with the antler keyring out to unlock and head inside, pushing the door with his shoulder to let it swing wide as he steps in and aside to take his shoes off, looking back toward it to see if James actually does intend to come in and talk, or...he's had enough.]

[It's another out when they get to Manabu's place. He could slip away while the other man is unlocking the door, or even when he's being glanced at from inside the threshold, and he doesn't think that Manabu would try to stop him this time.

He doesn't.

He steps inside after the other man and, after a moment, he toes off his combat boots just in case it's some sort of house rule to not have footwear on. If he has to leave in a hurry it doesn't really matter, he can run just as well on bare feet and he's lost worse than a pair of boots.

This whole way here, he's been trying to think of how best to tell it. He can't just start with Martin, it lacks context on why the idea of being mind controlled was so severely sickening to him that he killed the man. He doesn't think it's possible to tell the whole story, the idea of it makes words clog in his throat with fear, but perhaps-- Maybe he can tell a little.]

Have you heard of the Nazis?

[It's probably clear from his expression that this isn't just an idle question, it's the start of the promised explanation.]

Ah, mm... [Manabu thinks about it, heading toward the kitchen. seems the best spot for a talk, familiar territory and all that.

turning, leaning against the counter.]

Soldiers from...World War Two, right? [he tilts his head slightly. that seems obvious the second it's out of his mouth; that's the war James mentioned the first go-around, after all.]

[He nods, taking the same seat he had been in the last time they had been in this kitchen. His expression is carefully controlled, voice quiet and without much inflection. It's easier to talk about this if he distances himself from it, recites it like a mission report. And even then, just the bare bones of what's necessary to understand.]

HYDRA started as the deep science division of the Nazis. Human experimentation. Torture on prisoners. They'd already held me once before what you saw on the train, altered me enough so that I'd survive a fall like that. They gave me the arm to replace the one I lost during the fall, and they made me into their weapon. They wiped my memories, tortured me, and trained me. I was their tool for seventy years. The Winter Soldier, the Asset. Not human, no name.

[He pauses, the first semblance of life returning to his expression, just a flicker of guilt, before it's gone again.]

I was sent to kill Steve, the man on the train. I nearly succeeded, but he refused to fight me, and something changed. I ran. That was five months ago, and now I'm here. The man who gave me those information tapes tried to do something to control me, that's why I killed him.

[There's so much more, but that's all he can say. More than he would ever usually say, just a few sentences to sum up decades of life.]

Now you know.

[Manabu crosses his arms and listens, his expression stony and, at several points, pained to hear what is said. human suffering is not unknown on the Galaxy Railways, and some people have endured some heinous things -- some coming to very tragic ends.

the volume of tragedy doesn't overtake the impact in Manabu's heart; he's sometimes too tender, too moved to react to things that are so outright wrong when laid out before him. of course, there's not much he can do in this case, as these things...are built up from the past.

also: seventy years? James gets a confused head-tilt at that one for a beat. sure, he doesn't look as spry as his punches are, but he sure as hell doesn't look like any seventy-year old he's ever met that wasn't entirely mechanical!

he sits in contemplative silence for a few beats after the conclusion, idly tapping a couple fingers on his arm while he ruminates. what do you even say to all of that? what would he even want to hear, were it him? can he even imagine it?]

...That is a lot. [as he figured, but...not entirely figured. obviously. whew.] Jeez, James. What a mess.

[He's never laid it out like this for anyone before.

The people back home had already known the story, they'd lived parts of it and found out the rest from the files Black Widow had dumped on the internet. This feel very strange in a lot of ways, raw, like he's just given Manabu a list of places to target if he wants to cause maximum damage.

There's a tension as he waits for a response, and when it comes-- the surprise of what it is actually cracks that muted expression into the tiniest huff of unamused laughter.]

No kidding.

[Mess doesn't even begin to cover it.]

You did what you did to protect yourself. [he nods slightly.] The man with the tapes, I mean. Right or wrong isn't really the point there, it's just... [he trails off, his expression getting cloudy as he thinks on it, hearing echoes from his own past.

you think your utopian ideals can keep you from having to kill anyone?! just quit right now and save us all the time!

he blinks, and then he's back, looking back at James in the present.]

So when you get that look on you like in the mirror...hands off, right? Or is there something better I should be doing?

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cw: nazis, torture, mind control

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