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3336 Cream Puff Way

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[aigue]

[She knows what he's saying is entirely reasonable, but when has reason ever stopped guilt? Her ears droop and she steps away from the door so that he can come in. Better to discuss this in private away from any nosy neighbours.]

But none of this would have happened if I had a little more self control. I should have been better from the beginning.

[advanced]

[He steps inside without ever stopping scowling down at her.]

You're too smart to say something like that. You said that you two had an open relationship, you ain't exclusive, so you didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did, he should've talked to you, or me, or both of us. He's got a tongue in his damn head, he didn't have to resort to murder.

[aigue]

[Her lips twitch and after several moments of silence, she nods. He's right, Monty didn't need to react this way, he goes around kissing other people and it's always been fine, why did it have to be different for her?]

... I know. But.

[But.]

I'm still sorry you died because of me. Forgot because of me.

[advanced]

No.

[He clamps down hard on the horror that the mention of forgetting floods through him. He hasn't dealt with it yet, he's pushed it away by focusing on Monty and what happened, rather than the results. And he doesn't want that to change today.

It's a small step to get into her personal space, and he's gentle as he reaches out to try and take her chin and force her to look up into his eyes.]

I died because of him. Not you. We all make our own choices, Renart, and taking responsibility for someone else's choices is stupid. Trust me, I've learned that the really hard way. He's a grown man, and he decided to do something that dumb, not because of you, because he wouldn't make the choice to be a man and talk to you. He sure as hell isn't sorry about it, so why should you be?

[aigue]

[She doesn't stop him, though she does tense up a little. This is too hard, she just wants to run away again. Her voice is quiet when she responds.]

Because I care about you.

[And then she latching onto him in a tight hug. Not crying, she can at least keep herself from doing that, but her grip is crushing.]

I'm sorry.

[advanced]

[He goes rigid for a moment when she latches onto him, relaxing by increments as his arms come around her, firm enough for his grip to be felt but also with a degree of care behind it. He doesn't want to hurt her by accident, no matter how durable she is.]

Are you deaf?

[His voice is soft now, too. Fond and gentle, despite the words.]

What did I just say about you needing to apologise?

[aigue]

[She buries her face against him, huffing softly.]

I don't know what else to do. I want to make it better, but....

[But she can't, her only option is mind control and she knows that would make it worse.]

[advanced]

It is better.

[No, it's so not, but he's stoutly denying that.]

I'm alive, ain't I? It's you that things are messed up for now, not me.

[aigue]

That's ridiculous.

[Yeah, there's no way Bucky is getting away with that.]

You died and lost your memories again! Don't try to downplay that.

[advanced]

Renart.

[It's hard and firm and ever so slightly jagged at the edges. He can't think about it, he can't let himself feel the terror of losing himself again, because he might not come back from it.]

It's over, I'm fine. And you're the one that's lost a loved one.

[aigue]

[She wants to tell him that he isn't fine, there's no way he can be after all that, but she doesn't want to make things worse.]

I shouldn't love someone who is willing to hurt people I care about. I'm not brushing it off and neither should you.

[advanced]

But you do, don't you?

[It's not said with any measure of blame, more a sadness for her. She should love someone good for her, a good man, not a remorseless killer.]

I'm sorry, I wish it had been anyone but him. I never would've tried to come between you.

[aigue]

[She doesn't respond to his first question. She still loves Monty, yes, but right now she isn't sure if that's something that should continue.]

You didn't come between us. I kissed you. I shouldn't have done that.

[advanced]

Pretty sure we already covered that.

[Stop putting blame on yourself, silly fox.]

Have you told anyone else?

[aigue]

[Sorry Bucky, that's going to eat away at her for a while.]

No. I'm not going to tell anyone. This message is big enough without people sticking their noses into it.

[advanced]

You need to lean on someone, you shouldn't have to go through this alone.

[That's not fair, and only adds to the damage Monty is responsible for.]

I'm not saying tell the world what he did, but someone you trust. Someone who can help take care of you through this.

[aigue]

[Now she can't help being stubborn.]

I can handle this on my own.

Will John do that for you?

[advanced]

[He's not going to talk it out ever if he has a choice in the matter.]

You're not going to be able to handle this alone, nobody would.

[aigue]

I can. I'm not going to make things worse by telling someone.

[She's firm about that, regardless of whether that is true.]

What about you?

[advanced]

Then lean on me.

[He's not going to discuss him, stop asking.]

I might not be the best at it, but you need someone who already knows and I guess that's me.

[aigue]

[She pulls back enough to glare at him for being equally stubborn.]

I'm not putting that burden on you. I've already done enough to fuck up your life.

[advanced]

[He kind of wants to shake her now, continuing to put the blame for this on her own shoulders, but he settles for scowling at her.]

That's such bullshit.

[Plain and blunt.]

You might not have noticed, but I'm not the most social of people. You and John, you help me feel more like a human and less like a weapon, that's the opposite of messing my life up.

[aigue]

[God, he's way too much of a sweetheart. It isn't fair. None of this is fair.]

I'm happy to hear that, but... I'll try harder, so I don't mess up again.

[advanced]

Are you deaf or stupid today?

[Is she trying to rile him up? Because it's working.]

You didn't mess up, you don't need to try harder, if I have to say it again then I'll pull your tail for being so stubborn.

[aigue]

[Okay that has her frowning.]

You're the one who needs to stop being stubborn. I did mess up. Monty did too, but I'm not completely blameless.