PSL for Renart

[advanced]

Comments

[advanced]

Yeah?

[He leans half against the wall, fixing her with a quizzical look.]

Why is it unfair?

[aigue]

Well.

[She looks down at her hands.]

You won't sleep with me.

[advanced]

[Okay, now he looks less quizzical and more wary.]

What's that got to do with wanting you around?

[aigue]

Don't you find it hard to be around me without wanting to be closer?

[Maybe it's just her.]

It's hard for me.

[advanced]

Sometimes.

[It's maybe not the passionate answer that she would want, but he strives to be honest.]

There are moments when it's really hard not to kiss you, but I don't just feel physical things towards you. I love having you around just to talk, is that weird?

[aigue]

... No.

[She'd really like to say it is, maybe finagle him into something physical.]

That's what makes this special. It's one thing to be attracted to someone physically, it's something else to actually want them around for more than that.

[advanced]

Then you get it, even if it's hard sometimes then it's worth it.

[Maybe easier for him than her, because he has less experience with and less desire for the whole physical thing most of the time.]

I promise we'll find a way to make you feel better without ruining our friendship, okay?

[aigue]

We won't ruin anything.

[She sounds firm about that.]

I don't think - doing more will ruin our friendship.

[advanced]

[He snorts dryly and raises an eyebrow.]

Sex right now would definitely ruin our friendship. You're thinking about Monty, and we both know it, it'd make things awkward because it's not something we can undo once we've done it.

[aigue]

[She's nearly pouting back at him.]

So I should stop thinking about him, then.

[advanced]

That's not what I said. Besides, can you do that? Would you even want to if you could?

[Surely, even if it hurts to miss him, she wouldn't want to be able to wipe him away so easily.]

[aigue]

Right now, yes. It means everything will stop hurting if I do.

[advanced]

We've been over this, hurting is the right thing when you're missing someone. Let it happen and in time it'll hurt less.

[aigue]

[She sighs heavily.]

I have nothing but time. It's never going to stop hurting.

[advanced]

Sure it will, and then it'll hurt again.

[Not that comforting, but true.]

You've got to live for the times between the hurt, when you have company and happiness, and let them sustain you through the pain.

[aigue]

That's too sappy to be realistic.

[advanced]

Not true, that's how it worked for me.

[He shrugs, not at all perturbed about being called sappy.]

[aigue]

What if it doesn't work for me?

[There's no guarantee. Fairy Tales are immortal and terrible at changing, why should it work for her?]

[advanced]

Then you’ve gotta keep trying until you find what does work for you. You’re too strong to give up, Renart, you’ll find a way.

[He reaches out as if to draw her in for a hug, but hesitates before completing the motion.]

Besides, I’ll be here to help you figure it out.

[aigue]

[She stares at him, wanting to argue that things don't work out like that for Fairy Tales, that she's just going to be miserable forever.

But she's exhausted, and shifting closer into the hug is much easier. She curls up against him, hugging him back tightly.]

You're too good of a friend. I don't deserve you.

[advanced]

Keep saying things like that and you’ll give me a big head.

[He holds her back, gentle and quiet for a moment. What would help him fix something like this? How would he deal with the loss of John or Renart? How did he deal with losing Steve? Isolating himself, running away, and throwing his focus into something else. Not ideal, but maybe he can salvage something healthier from that.]

... come on, why don’t we go away someplace for a few days? To the islands or up the mountain, just a couple of days until you feel ready to deal with the village without Monty’s house in it.

[aigue]

Go away...?

[Ironically, running away is how she usually deals with difficult situations like this one. This world isn't very big and the islands would mean sand in her fur, but the mountains....

They're very isolated.]

Okay. Gabriel can watch the tribbles.

[He'd be fine with them, and she isn't sure it would be a good idea to take them up the mountain where they could get hurt.]

[advanced]

[He's trying to make it less about running away by framing it as needing space to come to terms with the loss, before confronting it so baldly. But it's definitely running away.]

Okay, fine. Your choice, where do you want to go?

[It's not like it matters much to him either way, he can survive most environments, though he'd prefer not to go to the cold of the mountains if he had to choose.]

[aigue]

The mountains.

[It isn't even a contest.]

Islands have too much sand. And the lodge has a hot tub.

[So it'll be like a vacation. A sad, miserable vacation.]

[advanced]

[Urgh, the mountains. He doesn't show any disappointment, he just nods.]

Ain't that just called a bathtub?

[Hot tubs have passed him by just a bit.]