PSL for Renart

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I tricked him into meeting me, attacked and severely wounded him, and then tied him to a chair and interrogated him about what he knew.

[He did not cope with it well.]

[aigue]

Oh.

[Well, that sounds like overkill.]

But he forgave you. You wouldn't be friends if he didn't.

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You might not have noticed, but John is kind of an idiot.

[He forgives way too easily.]

He tried to tell people that an aquarium fell on him.

[aigue]

And a good friend. He understands why you did it, he diesn't kike being a character from a book either.

[An aquarium? Really?]

Did anyone believe that?

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A couple of people, the buildings in Norfinbury weren't exactly stable, but not for long because I made an announcement about what really happened.

[He wasn't about to let John cover for him.]

The day after I tortured him, that's when he took my arm off for the first time.

[aigue]

[Her eyes widen when he says he actually told people. That's the exact opposite of her - when something like this happens, it's better to hide it as much as possible to avoid a witch hunt.]

How did people react to that? They didn't make you remove your arm, right?

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No, it had to come off. Frostbite.

[He clarifies that first, the arm had needed to be removed for a while.]

People weren't happy, but there wasn't much they could do to me, there wasn't exactly a jail there. It didn't help that John and a couple of others kept jumping in to defend me. In the end they put me on a dangerous persons list, so any new arrival would be warned.

[aigue]

[She frowns severely at all of that. God knows how painful removing a frostbitten metal arm must have been, but worse is that dangerous persons list. What would they have done if they had been in a better position to do more? What if Norfinbury were more like the Meadous?]

I'm sorry. [It feels so stupid to say that.] You shouldn't have had to go through any of it. You don't deserve it. You aren't a bad person.

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I did deserve that, if nothing else. I chose to hurt John, and I was in my right mind at the time, it wouldn't have been right to get away with it.

[Why do all of his friends want to protect him from the consequences that he deserves?]

I pretty much crippled him, in a place where being unable to walk was a death sentence, being put on some list was nothing.

[aigue]

[He's right about all of that, logically, and she knows she's biased... but she still thinks it was wrong. And she's at least grateful they didn't do anything worse than a list.]

I suppose just being thankful they didn't start a full witch hunt should be enough.

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Pretty sure they only didn't because Natasha, Clint, and John threatened them not to.

[He knows a few people, especially ones like Davesprite, were ready to get out the pitchforks.]

...bunch of idiots, I told them to stay out of it and they didn't listen.

[aigue]

It's a good thing they didn't.

[No matter what he says she doesn't think he deserved a witch hunt.]

It's good you had friends willing to stick up for you there. You weren't alone.

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[He'd argue more about this, but it seems somehow insensitive to row with her when he's supposed to be trying to comfort her after Monty's disappearance. So all he offers is a noncommittal grunt which could mean anything.]

...what about you? Tell me about the friends you had in the place you were in before.

[aigue]

In Between?

[She sounds reluctant.]

You really want to hear about them?

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Sure.

[He frowns slightly in her direction, noting the reluctant tone.]

Unless you don't want to.

[aigue]

Well....

There was another immortal there. We got off to a rocky start, but wound up being friends.

[Methos was an okay guy, it would be nice if he were here.]

[advanced]

Seems like that's how friends are made in my experience.

[Literally all of his friendships have been rocky starts.]

[aigue]

I suppose....

[A lot of her friendships started like that, too.]

I doubt most people start with one of them cutting the other's head off, but it's a fun story now.

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Oh. Yeah, maybe not quite to that level.

[Sometimes he forgets just how extreme her form of immortality is.]

But John and I became friends after that night in the aquarium, proper friends, so I know about making friends though bad decisions of violence.

[aigue]

I'm glad the aquarium thing didn't come between you.

[Despite having all kinds of problems with John he isn't that bad of a guy.]

And that he's here with you.

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Me too. I wish Steve could've stayed longer.

[Maybe that's insensitive to say when she's dealing with her own loss at the moment.]

Feels like he just got here and he was gone again.

[aigue]

[She doesn't mind. It actually helps, knowing he's had to deal with this too.]

That's how it feels with Monty.

[She hesitates, her voice getting softer.]

It feels like I'm never going to see him again.

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I wish I could tell you that you will.

[Maybe the Bucky of old would have done, just offered a comforting platitude, and perhaps that would have been a kindness.]

You might not, and maybe he'll be back tomorrow. But even if you don't, at least you had what time you had, right?

[aigue]

That should be enough, shouldn't it?

[But she doesn't sound reassured.]

It isn't. I'm too selfish to be satisfied with just memories.

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I don't think anyone thinks it's enough when it happens to them.

[There's no easy answer here, no quick fix for the pain of loss.]

It's not fair, but some day you'll find that it hurts less, that's just how it works.